Step 1: Steal from the clearance rack.
Because the clothes at Forever 21 aren’t cheap enough, especially when they’re on clearance. So keep smoking crack (or whatever it is that makes you act the way you do) and don’t worry about buying your own stuff.
Step 2: Wear winter clothes in 100 degree weather.
Everyone knows that beanies, flannels, and courderoy pants are the proper attire in the middle of July. But that’s in Australia. In America, it tends to get warm in the summer.
Stay cool, kids. But…not literally.
Step 3: Smoke a lot of weed and pretend you’re a dealer.
Nobody except your hipster friends is awed by pot dealers, and we all know how easily they’re impressed (I cite the music of Kimya Dawson as just one example). So keep faking it. You’ll stay cool in the eyes of the only people who matter: people you thought were hipsters but are really just trying to impress you…because they think you’re a hipster. Don’t worry. Its too complex for you.
Step 4: Don’t care about anything. Ever.
Here are a few phrases to start you on your way:
“Nah man, whatever, just smoke with me.”
Unconventional Wisdom recently posted this, another (very funny) rant about hipsters. Click, please.