Step 13: Idly pursue…Or don’t pursue at all…
Girls are supposed to make the twit do all the work, right? So why are you even looking at him? THAT IS TOO CLINGY. Back it up and be cool. Be glacial, for heaven’s sake.
He walks up to you? Walk away. He asks you to dance? Dance away (from him, that is). He offers you a drink? Oh please. Don’t fall for any of that nonsense. You’re not supposed to care! And neither is he. If he isn’t phased by any of this, he’s passed the test. You can be sure he’s a full fledged twit – he’s practically the president of Twits USA. So get excited for dates with him – they’re sure to be filled with the beautiful silence of you two coldly ignoring each other.
Step 14: Use the sticky-eye technique (inspired by author Louise Rennison).
This technique is best used in dimly lit spaces such as dance clubs, bars, and campsites. Though why you’re trying to seduce a guy who’s camping is beyond me…he’ll be too caught up in catching coons for dinner to notice your lovely eyes in the first place.
Locate the twit you’re attempting to attract, gaze at him for a moment (locking eyes) and then drag your eyes away from his (preferably toward the floor or some other inanimate object). After a second, let your eyes go springing back to his as if his are sticky. On the off-chance that you don’t look like a total loon, he’ll probably be really attracted.
Step 15: Act like a chick.
Do not, under any circumstances, have anything in common with him. Twits don’t like girls for funniness, smarts, understanding of sports, or good values. We all know what twits like girls for. That’s right, for being girls. Oh yeah, and that other reproductive bit…
So don’t chuckle; giggle. Don’t shout; dance it out (attractively, of course). Don’t be intelligent; be attractive. Don’t crack jokes; crack open his nasty beers for him (pretend you don’t know he has the intellect of a baby chimp and can’t figure out how to open then himself). And remember, kids, wear short skirts.