How to Cry Attractively

OK, let’s face it. It pretty much can’t be done. But these simple steps will help you cry less unattractively. So here goes.

Step 1: Avoid the “baby-about-to-spit-out-its-food” look.
You know the one. Your mouth gets all scrunched up and your eyes go all goggly. Add some serious tears into the equation and you have it: the most unattractive face you could possibly make. And really, really sad people make that face a lot. Don’t do it. So while crying, relax the facial muscles. Relaaaaax. Take a yoga breath. With any luck, this will stop the crying altogether. If not, you’re totally hopeless.

Step 2: Don’t make scary noises. Please.
Nobody likes a girl (or worse, guy) who sniffles loudly, wheezes, or gasps while they blub uncontrollably. So keep it down, please. Again. Yoga breath.

Step 3: Try not to let the tears drip down your face.
If you’re a girl, you’ll have that creepy mascara-induced clown/raccoon thing goin’ on. If you’re a guy, you’ll get puffy cheeks. Just don’t do it.

Step 4: Don’t bloody cry.
At least not in public.

3 thoughts on “How to Cry Attractively

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  1. I like this. I do hate my baby about to spit out food face. After I’m done crying, I always think “Why did I make that stupid, weird face??”

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