How to be a Complete FOOL.

Step 1: Pull over to take photos of sunsets.
I’m OK with the occasional nature lover (I am one myself) pulling over to the side of the road to take photos of sunsets, wheat fields, small bushes, owl scat, etc. But please. Don’t PARK YOUR HUGE TRUCK (which you probably don’t even use to actually haul things, you jerk) IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD (or country highway, I suppose I should say) AND GET IN MY WAY. Especially when there is a driveway centimeters from where you pulled over. PULL INTO THE DRIVEWAY! I am a patient driver. Except when you do that. And especially not when you wave me around your car. Um, DUH, I’m not going to wait for you to get your butt back in your car to go around you, you infuriating man.

Step 2: Take a million photos of you and your boyfriend kissing or cuddling.
Chances are, people think you’re a really obnoxious couple anyway because you think cuddling in public is really cute. It’s not. Nobody wants to see your tongue anywhere near your boyfriend’s tongue. EVER.

Step 3: Be terrible at spelling.
By fourth grade at the latest, you should be able to distinguish the difference between they’re, there, and their, along with your and you’re. Also, it’s a lot, not alot. Very has one R. I before E except after C.
I mean, does anybody READ? If you’ve seen things spelled properly for years, why do you continue to spell like a five year old?

Step 4: Have obnoxious facial hair.
This is not to say “don’t have facial hair that sings the song that gets on everybody’s nerves or screams obscenities during romantic films.” Please don’t be dense.
I’m talking weird little bits of hair that give the impression that some small rodent died on your chin. If you take that much time grooming something that’s one square centimeter, you have time to get a life.

5 thoughts on “How to be a Complete FOOL.

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  1. One of my dating rules is – never date a guy with weird facial hair. I don’t even like goatees. It has served me well. Great post!

  2. I think the only facial hair that is acceptable in a man is a full on beard. And it better make him look like the Brawny man.

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