Love has started meaning different things to me lately. A friend of mine is in military training in Texas and is able to communicate only through letter. I got one from him today and he said I should write down what love meant to me yesterday and what it means today and tomorrow. So I am doing just that.
As of yesterday, it meant that I finally understood that love could come in surprising packages that I might not be ready to open. It could pull me in and scare me and I might never understand it but I was okay with that. Love meant feeling like I could say anything to someone and they’d understand completely. Love meant giggling in the middle of the night. Love meant people who know me sometimes better than I know myself. Or rather, they understand things about me that I overlook. Love meant feeling things that shocked me but made me happy at the same time. Love meant my best friends.
Today, love changed. Love is an elastic concept, able to bend at each person’s will. I realized that love doesn’t always have to be romantic. Feeling a strong affinity for someone doesn’t mean you want to marry them or kiss them or nap with them. It can just mean you never want to see them unhappy or leave you. Love means you want to die one millisecond before the person you love does so you can live with them forever. Love means you shamelessly use clichés. Love means you are able to be alone and still feel full. Love means feeling. Every other word coming from my mouth is “I feel.” Because I do. I feel so much.
Tomorrow, love might mean what it did yesterday. It might mean what it meant today. But it will probably continue to develop, expand, and grow inside me until it completely takes me over and I burst from it. I wouldn’t mind dying because I was so full of love I just couldn’t take it anymore.
But I can be sure of one thing: love will always mean riding my bike miles and miles and miles until I no longer remember who I am and simply feel like I’m flying.