How to Act Really Cool

Everyone was wearing fingerless gloves.

 Keyword here is act.

Step 1: Wear sunglasses everywhere.
At the beach, on the street, in the club, in bed, in a box, with a fox, in a house, with a mouse, here or there, everywhere.
If you don’t have any sunglasses handy, just let your hair hang over your eyes. If people can’t see your eyes, they feel like they can’t see into your soul and that freaks them out and gets them wondering all at once.

Step 2: Have a dark and mysterious past.
You should have no family to speak of, wear only converse (if you’re a guy) or fishnets and heels (if you’re a girl…or a guy, if that floats your boat), eat only Greek food, smell like cloves, drink between classes, and seem kinda freaky. But not too freaky, just…good freaky.
Soon, everyone will wonder who this fishnet-wearing, Greek food-eating, clove-smelling, drinking freaky loner is. Next question: can he/she party? 

Step 3: Give the impression that you have a lot of friends.
You can do this by waving (cooly) or doing the “sup” nod at random strangers and/or having a posse/entourage follow you around (but they can’t stand too close, that’s soooo uncool).
In order to have a mysterious past, you must disregard this step and proceed directly to Step 4. 

Step 4: See How to be a Hipster 

Step 5: Be in a Band.
Duh. Groupies.
Plus, then you get to wear all that leather and whatnot that other rock stars wore to look cool in the 80s. Get a crazy hair cut, dance like Mick Jagger, and do a lot of drugs. Its scary. People like to be scared. Why else would the Twilight movies, best known for their scary acting, be so popular?
If you are attempting to comply with Step 4, black leather jackets should be avoided at all costs, and rock music should be played quietly and broodingly. 

Step 6: Talk “poetic” nonsense.
“I dreamed I saw two acrobats dancing on a shooting star in the middle of the day. They stopped and said hello, then drifted to the Milky Way. Then I realized…it was me and you. So I chased them on a flying tiger into the great unknown. I went to the abyss for you. I love you. I do.”

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