Personal-Talk in Public Places

The other day I was on a ferry boat, just sittin’ by myself, lookin’ out the window at the ocean, when all of a sudden the woman behind me starts talking about her marriage counselor.

Lady: Blaaahhh blah blah well Bill* and I needed marriage counseling. But we didn’t care enough about our marriage to get an actual marriage counselor so we just recycled our family counselor. Cuz my family needed counseling a few years back (probably because of my really obnoxiously high pitched voice). The counselor’s nice. But he’s just no good at marriage counseling. I just can’t understand it…aren’t all types of counseling basically the same?!

Naturally, I looked around to see why she was telling me all this. She wasn’t. She was talking to her (strangely silent) companion. Obnoxious lady blithered on.

Lady: Blah blah marriage troubles, blah blah my daughter’s gotten into meth because I’m ridiculous, blah blahhhh.

The meth bit didn’t actually happen, I just assumed.

Is it mean of me to make fun of a woman whose marriage is hanging by a thread? The answer is NO, it is not (hopefully), because she chose to share her troubles (loudly) with the ferry-boating world, thereby allowing me to JUDGE JUDGE JUDGE as much as I want.

A few days later, my friend told me about her experience listening to two girls at a tanning salon. This was the way she described it:

Bimbo 1: Becky* shut up you’re so skinny!

Bimbo 2: No Alicia,* whenever I eat I just feel so…like…weird, and then I can’t eat anymore because I’m like soooo tired.

1: Yahhh.

2: Yahhhh.

1: Ohmygod, Rob texted me.

2: Sooo ahbssessed with you.

1: I know, right?

2: I heard he went out to dinner with Lauren the other day…

1: Shut ahp, no way.

 2: They had like pizza.

1: Ohmigod I lovvvveeeeeee pizza!

2: Yeahhhh but whenever I eat pizza I just feel so like weird and tired.

1: No way.

2: Yahhh.

Such intellect. Such class.

 *Names have been changed to protect identities.