Who Here Would Date an Elvis Impersonator?

This is Real Elvis. Don't try to look like him. He'll always be cuter than you.

Think about it. You’d be dating someone who looks a lot like a dead guy.

You’d be dating a guy who lives his life as if he were a dead guy. Who loves this dead guy soooo much that he has dedicated his life to acting/sounding/looking like him.

That’s weird.

People die. In fact, everyone who is born will eventually die. It’s not a novel idea, people. It is really obvious. CAVEMEN (excuse me, cavepeople) KNEW IT. So why, Elvis fans, can you not accept that The King (may he rest in peace) is dead? He is dead and he is not going to be alive ever again. Don’t pay people to dress up like him and thrust their hips around and throw sweaty ascots into crowds in Las Vegas.

And to you, Elvis Lookalike #95, why did you get plastic surgery? You practically killed my mother.

There we were, in the comfort of our home, when all of a sudden a PBS special on Elvis came on the TV. My mom didn’t realize that it was a tribute performance to Elvis –  all the original members of his band were playing and an Elvis impersonator was, well, impersonating Elvis. This Elvis impersonator (Lookalike #95) looked so much like Elvis #1 that my mom thought it was him. And she was incredibly confused when all the band members were old and she found out the performance had been taped recently.

Okay, I realize “almost killing” and “severely confusing” my mother are two completely different things, but you get the point.

So knock it off! (I’m lookin’ at you, #95).

Edit: I just realized that I wrote a post yelling, “ELVIS IS DEAD AND WILL NEVER COME BACK” on the 33rd anniversary of his death. Foot. In. Mouth.

Ummm…I love Elvis!

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18 thoughts on “Who Here Would Date an Elvis Impersonator?

  1. I wouldn’t date an Elvis impersonator, but I would date a Gilbert Lani Kauhi impersonator. But really, who wouldn’t? He is one sexy man.

    In fact, I often pay my pool boys to dress up like Gilbert Lani Kauhi and give me full-body massages with scented lotion.

  2. I’m not sure who Little John is (the rapper? the robin hood character? my next door neighbor?), but I’ll take your word that he always satisfies no matter what he’s in.

    How ironic is it that you have a “middle aged man crush” on someone named oldman?!?!

    • Ha the Robin Hood character…he played him in the version with Errol Flynn (who, by the way, is also incredibly attractive but, unfortunately, deceased).
      I didn’t even realize his last name was oldman…that is absolutely hilarious!!

      • I hate to break it to you, but that was Alan Hale Sr. His son is far more attractive. You may know him as the skipper in Gilligan’s Island. I know him as the man in my fantasies who wears a three piece latex suit.

        I thought so too.

        • Darn darn darn. They look surprisingly similar! I like the Skipper too, though.
          Can’t go wrong with latex, especially when it’s in a three-piece suit.

  3. I can’t decide which I like more- the post, or the comments on the post. This is all pretty stellar content. As much I love Elvis (his early stuff at least) this was by far the best Elvis post I read on the anniversary of his death (and there were a lot!).

    • That really means a lot to me. Thanks so much for always reading!
      I felt like a prize idiot when I found out Elvis had died on that day, but I still really appreciate him…I just think it’s weird that so many people impersonate him. I love his stuff (agreed – the early stuff is best) and think he was very handsome and fun.
      To be honest, it might be kinda fun to date an Elvis impersonator, but only if they looked JUST like him.

  4. Pingback: How to Put Your Foot in Your Mouth « writer's block

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