Life is Nothing Without Jazz Hands

Jazz hands are never inappropriate. Ever.

Except when a woman is giving birth and the doctor, instead of getting the baby, jumps up and starts shouting hallelujah and using jazz hands.

Or when you’re breaking up with someone and you all of a sudden start tap dancing and singing about how much you hate them and wave your hands around all jazzy-like.

Or when your spouse is falling asleep but you just keep grabbing their wrists and flapping their hands about in a jazz hands type way.

Or maybe someone accidentally walks in on you in the bathroom and, instead of apologizing and leaving the room, they demand that you start using jazz hands.

Or when you’re in your car and your favorite song comes on the radio. You start using jazz hands. You stop driving.

Or someone tells you a joke that you don’t think is funny so you jazz hand it up and back away slowly.

Or a telemarketer calls and you really don’t want to talk to them so you try to freak them out by using jazz hands. Yeah, figure that one out, smarties.

You know what, maybe jazz hands are appropriate in those situations.

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8 thoughts on “Life is Nothing Without Jazz Hands

  1. Oh my goodness! It’s so true. All those situations are perfect for jazz hands. You can make a happy moment out of anything with them. ;D

    I had a great laugh over this. Thank you! :D

  2. Ha. You make a good humourist. Jazz hands make you seem like a drag-queen, or that’s what we were fed in high school :D

    I do like the idea of grabbing an almost-sleeping spouse’s wrists and flapping their hands about in a jazz hands type way. Should try out on my sister. I usually just poke into her belly and she wriggles back to life.

  3. I lost my shit reading this post. Sooo funny.

    Imagine in a fully serious corporate meeting and you just started jazz handing shit up. Financial report, my fucking arsehole… take a look at these bad boys!

  4. Finally, somebody understands me. Jazz hands make the world a merrier place. (By the way, your blog is extremely awesome.)

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