There is only one rule that one must abide by in order to stay classy. That rule is this: Don’t be a twit.
Twit: (n.) 1. A moron with absolutely no sense. 2. One who uses Twitter.
Okay, that second one was just for funsies. But really…I was looking something up on Google Images the other day and one of the photos was from twitter and labeled TwitPics. Why? What? Why?
As the Countess Luann once said, “Money can’t buy you class. Money can’t buy you class. Elegance is learned, my friends. Elegance is learned, oh yeah.” Technically, in her case, money can’t buy you class but it can buy you a record deal and fame even when you haven’t got much talent…
So don’t be a twit. How? It’s simple.
1. Don’t wear so much makeup that it looks like you shoved your face into a cake before you left the house. That’s probably not where the term “cake face” came from, but I think it’s close enough.
2. Don’t lean all over guys, especially when you first meet them. Give it a little time – make sure they smell good.
Actually, this has nothing to do with protecting your nose from gross scents. It does, however, have everything to do with not looking like a total bimbo when you’re in public.
3. Don’t tease your hair so much that you look like a dinosaur. I’m lookin’ at you, female cast of Jersey Shore. Nobody’s head is shaped that way naturally. So don’t push it.
4. Don’t shriek in public. I don’t care how happy you are. People around you have eardrums to protect.
Be happy. I’m happy. I am so happy, in fact, that I prefer to keep it to a dull roar.
Plus, when you shriek like that you just sound like a chipmunk being murdered…
5. Don’t get slobbering drunk. I get that you want to party. But don’t you also want to remember how much fun you had? Keep it classy, babe. Carry your champagne (or beer/vodka tonic/whatever…but champagne is classier cuz it’s French) around for a while, take a sip, carry it a little longer, take another sip. Don’t down the whole thing at once; then it starts getting ugly.