How to Keep it Classy, or How Not to Be a Twit

Know why he's The Most Interesting Man in the World? Cuz he keeps it classy.

There is only one rule that one must abide by in order to stay classy. That rule is this: Don’t be a twit.
Twit: (n.) 1. A moron with absolutely no sense. 2. One who uses Twitter.

Okay, that second one was just for funsies. But really…I was looking something up on Google Images the other day and one of the photos was from twitter and labeled TwitPics. Why? What? Why?

As the Countess Luann once said, “Money can’t buy you class. Money can’t buy you class. Elegance is learned, my friends. Elegance is learned, oh yeah.” Technically, in her case, money can’t buy you class but it can buy you a record deal and fame even when you haven’t got much talent…

So don’t be a twit. How? It’s simple.

1. Don’t wear so much makeup that it looks like you shoved your face into a cake before you left the house. That’s probably not where the term “cake face” came from, but I think it’s close enough.

2. Don’t lean all over guys, especially when you first meet them. Give it a little time – make sure they smell good.
Actually, this has nothing to do with protecting your nose from gross scents. It does, however, have everything to do with not looking like a total bimbo when you’re in public.

Check out the poof on that fine sista.

3. Don’t tease your hair so much that you look like a dinosaur. I’m lookin’ at you, female cast of Jersey Shore. Nobody’s head is shaped that way naturally. So don’t push it.

4. Don’t shriek in public. I don’t care how happy you are. People around you have eardrums to protect.
Be happy. I’m happy. I am so happy, in fact, that I prefer to keep it to a dull roar.
Plus, when you shriek like that you just sound like a chipmunk being murdered…

5. Don’t get slobbering drunk. I get that you want to party. But don’t you also want to remember how much fun you had? Keep it classy, babe. Carry your champagne (or beer/vodka tonic/whatever…but champagne is classier cuz it’s French) around for a while, take a sip, carry it a little longer, take another sip. Don’t down the whole thing at once; then it starts getting ugly.

9 thoughts on “How to Keep it Classy, or How Not to Be a Twit

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  1. I thought I was the only one who called people twits. I find it to be a very effective insult, but for some reason I only use it in reference to men. It seems you have the opposite approach.

    That makes me wonder if “twit” is more effective when used to insult someone of the same gender.

    By the way, if you’re into music, come on over and check out 20 songs everyone should listen to. Or not. It’s your call, really.

    1. Yes, well when pertaining to love, men are twits. When I’m angry, women are twits. I wasn’t really angry when I wrote this post, actually, but I drew from the anger within…or something.
      I love music. I shall check it out!

      1. Ok, I see. I guess I think it’s just too harsh of a critique for the fairer sex.

        Plus, I use much better words when I insult women, anyway.

          1. Really?

            I’ve never been told that was an insult. I guess I can add it to the list, though.

  2. i dont understand why it’s bad to do those things listed above. i think everybody should be able to live their lives however they choose to.
    i agree, wearing 50 kg worth of make up on one’s face is a disturbing sight, and the shrieking is annoying and i don’t like the hairdos and the sloppy drunkenness. but if that’s what you’re into, dude, it’s your own life.
    i’m sure they would call me names too (behind my back, as well) just because i’m different than them and don’t wear make up, for not being super excited all the time and for not punishing my hair daily, but that doesn’t mean i have to do the same, right?

    1. It’s really just meant to make people laugh. I don’t have the right to dictate how people live or look or anything and I don’t try to.

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