What they say: “You look so pretty in these pictures!”
What they mean: “I think you look okay, but I feel obligated to tell you that you’re absolutely gorgeous because society dictates that empty compliments should be handed out every 5 minutes.”

What they say: “We’re just friends.”
What they mean: “I kinda want him, but I don’t want to admit it/am embarassed/don’t know if he wants me/don’t want people to think I’m a tramp.”

What they say: “I’ve been so busy lately, I had absolutely no time to call.”
What they mean: “I’m an arse and you know it, but we also both know that you’ve been waiting by the phone. And since love is a huge game, I didn’t call because I know that you’ll grow more attracted to me with each passing day.”

What they say: “I don’t kiss and tell.”
What they mean: “We totally didn’t kiss, but I don’t want you to know that because I like to stay mysterious. Oh yeah, and I want you to think I’ve got game.”

What they say: “She totally wants me.”
What they mean: “I totally want her.”

What they say: “Oh you went on a date with Joe? Isn’t he nice? We went on a couple dates last year.”
What they mean: “I still like Joe but somehow screwed it up with him and am insanely jealous that he’s moved on to you because I think you’re stupid and TOTALLY not as good as me. I want you to feel bad about yourself and think that you’re not special.”

What they say: “I’ll call you.”
What they mean: “I might text you (because I can’t handle human interaction) and maaaaaybe we’ll hang out.”

What they say: “You could totally come along with me and my boyfriend.”
What they mean: “We both know it’d be reeeeally awkward if you came along because he and I will probably make out the whole time, but I still want to be nice to you.”

What they say: “You drive me insane!”
What they mean: “I have no idea why I want you so badly, but I totally do. I want you ba-yud.”

5 thoughts on “Double-Talk

Add yours

  1. This, my dear, is genius!

    You’re so clever and so dang right! I have an awful habit of being ridiculously and bluntly honest.

    I’m going to start using some of your speak to soften the blows.

    “No, no, I don’t care how big your willy is”.

    1. Thank you, Ruby! That really means a lot to me coming from you.
      I have an awful habit of NOT being ridiculously blunt and honest. I think I need you to follow me around and translate my obnoxious double-talk into actual meaningful sentences.

  2. Wisdom, thy name is Cappy.

    I have a problem with double-talk, too. I’m always making ambiguous statements because I’m afraid my differing opinion is going to offend someone. I’m a huge coward and hide behind blog posts. *winces* There. That was honesty. I don’t feel any better… yet.

    1. We’re pretty similar in that respect…I hate making people feel bad/uncomfortable.
      Let’s pledge to work on it! Remember:
      What they say: You make me sad.
      What they mean: I don’t want to admit that I, not you, control my sadness.
      Hmm, how very therapist of me.

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