Halloween: it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Not to be confused with Christmas, which is the most SnoWonderful time of the year.
I dressed as Ke$ha, which probably makes me a big hypocrite, because I ranted last week about why people shouldn’t be tarts on Halloween. But I promise you this: I did not act like a tart, nor did anyone see my goods this weekend. …So you can rest assured that no one went blind on Halloween night. Anyway, I did the whole “Hi, I’m Ke$ha, I don’t brush my hair and I use so much hairspray there’s a hole in the ozone above my head” deal. Let’s just say there was a lot of eye makeup involved. It was the best time of my life. Who knew ripped fishnets were so freeing?
I did not, repeat did nottttt, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack. Those shenanigans are unnecessary.
I sooo got my dance on. Really. Someone told me people were watching me dance because I was good, but I’m pretty sure it was more “People are watching you so they don’t get smacked in the face with one of your flailing limbs.”
Tip from the wise (ie me): Don’t grind so much, people. I am ashamed that my generation thinks that dry humping each other constitutes as dancing. I am also horrified that some girls were ACTUALLY bending over and touching their toes. I was just praying for one of them to fall over and break her nose and all her teeth. Heeheehee.
Another tip: Swimsuit tops and short shorts are not costumes. They are what you wear to the beach in July, not out in the end of (COLD) October.
Aaaand a warning: If you grind on your girl, that’s your deal (though I will warn you that I’m pretty sure you’ll get some sort of STD). But if you grind on your girl and get your butt all up in my space, I WILL pretend to grind on you when you don’t know it. For five minutes. While everyone watches. I will pretend to grind hard. Because I don’t mind being a creeper.
So there you have it, folks. Don’t take candy from strangers. I think that’s a good moral for this story.