I Miss You, What Are You Wearing?

When you think you’re playing it cool but you’re really just being a stalker.

We’ve all done it. I (in all my magnificence and glory) have done it. You’ve done it. He, she, it does it. I bet James Bond did it once. You know what I mean: you like someone who you barely know, but you’re trying to play it cool…Only you constantly try to show them how cool you are, which makes you seem really uncool. Uh oh. So I’ve compiled a list on what you shouldn’t do when you lurrrrve someone:

1. Don’t talk to them all the time.
They are in your mind all the time, sure. But they don’t know that, and you shouldn’t make it apparent. This person is not gonna feel comfortable around you if you text them every waking hour and call them and blabber to them on the street when you see them and… Well, you know what I mean. They will be creeped out by you (and why shouldn’t they? You’re not playing very hard to get) if you are constantly telling them every boring detail about your life and asking them questions like “What’s your favorite color?”  So, you should play it cool. Be mystery girl/man. Read my blogs about how to make any twit fall in love with you (and then do exactly the opposite). Give them a taste and then make them want more! You can do it.

2. Don’t miss them.
“I miss you, what are you wearing” is not a socially acceptable statement, and it will not get the response, “I’m naked, come on over.” Instead, it will creep your dreamboat out, so don’t say/do anything that shows that you’re prematurely attached to them. Don’t compliment them on their amazingness in general (because nobody does that in real life and it kinda weirds people out if you don’t do it really smoothly…and trust me, if you’re here and looking to me for advice, you’re not smooth). Don’t tell them that you missed them; in fact, don’t say anything that could make it seem like you think about them when they’re not around.

3. Don’t be touchy.
Don’t you dare stroke his/her arm. Don’t. You. Dare. It’s just weird, especially if your dreamboat didn’t say, “Please touch my arm.”

4. Don’t be obvious.
Don’t tell all your friends how much you like your dreamboat. It’ll get back to them and they’ll feel strange. If you like them, ask them on a date or tell them about a concert you’re going to. “Hey there, cutie, wouldn’t it just be a crazy twist of fate if we happened to show up at the same concert because you happened to find this ticket in my hand that someone accidentally dropped…into my hand…that I’m now holding out toward you? Weird. See you there, maybe.” See? That’s totally not weird.

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9 thoughts on “I Miss You, What Are You Wearing?

  1. Ha! It’s funny, I was just talking to a friend about this today who has a neediness problem.

    People love when you withhold. It’s the oldest sales game in the book. Push the product on someone and they push it away. Pull the the product away from someone and they come bounding forward.

    Also, for the right person, we’re all stalkers at heart, really.

    • I agree wholeheartedly! My dad always told me I should be hard to get, because people always want to know more/have more of what they cant easily attain.
      And yeah, I’ll be a huge stalker once I find true love hahaha.
      Thanks so much for reading!!

    • Ha well you know, I wrote this based on the dumb things I do. So we’re in the same boat. Up shit creek without a paddle, really.
      He texts you at 3 am?? Oh Ruby darling, either he is a complete fool/asshole (which I seem to doubt) or just thinks of you in a friendly way and you could be lezzie for all he cares. Either way, eschew any loving with a firm hand! …Unless, of course, the texts say “I want you bad.”

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention I Miss You, What Are You Wearing? « writer's block -- Topsy.com

  3. Definitely been on both the giving AND receiving end of this. After all this unwanted attention from a certain boy, I can honestly say I’ll never ever stalk a guy again.

    At least I won’t let them KNOW I’m stalking them. Ahaha.

  4. Yes, worse thing to do is talk to them all the time, or follow them around like a love starved puppy because it IS creepy.
    Glad you found me on twitter because I’d had to unscubscribe and re-subscribe to everyone since I’ve moved blogs (from Here Be Dragons to my new one)

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