To Scan or Not to Scan?

That seems to be the question nowadays. Recently, I’ve heard just about enough people yelling about airport body scanners to make me want to crush them with one. I mean, really. 

Photo courtesy of Slate

Dear Airport Security,

I give you full permission to scan my body at the airport. It’s not like anyone else ever sees me naked, so we might as well test my body out on you. But in all seriousness, I don’t have a problem with it. I’m pretty sure you have better things to do (such as making sure nobody blows my plane into smithereens) than ogle my body while you scan it. And if you happen to decide to check me out, you’ll be in the other room, so I won’t even know.

I think the people who have been so angry about these scans are just opposing to oppose. They say they’re “protecting American privacy,” but I don’t remember anyone getting this upset when Bush wire-tapped our phones. And so what? We as a society need to just calm down about our bodies. Everyone has a body. You can basically tell what someone else’s body looks like just by seeing them with their clothes on. So there’s no point in getting so upset about some airport security man (who you can’t see and who can’t see you)  seeing your body for about two seconds before you get on a plane. I can understand if you object because your religion demands serious modesty, but even then…it’s completely professional and unobtrusive and my God, people, we claim to be in a war on terror, but instead of remembering that terrorists hijacked our planes, we’re occupying Iraq.

I haven’t seen any women get scanned, anyway. When I went through security, they had me go through the old detectors while men went through the body scanners. So if you’re a woman worried about someone looking at your breasty substances, you might not even have to worry. And if you’re a man, well…deal with it.

I think there are bigger issues in this country than this whole body scanning thing. Like the fact that we can’t pass a healthcare bill. Or the fact that we CAN’T PASS A HEALTHCARE BILL. Or, you know, the fact that we, uh, can’t pass a healthcare bill.

Maybe if we put something about banning body scanners into that bill, it’d get a little more attention.

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