Only the Lonely

The holidays can really suck. They’re amazing and beautiful because it’s the season of giving and a time to bake cookies and make snowmen and wear really cute winter outfits (okay, that last one’s just me, but I’m cute year round). But they’re also the loneliest time of the year. It’s strange, because you’re surrounded by friends and family and there’s love just oozing from everyone’s pores, but you feel lonely, don’t you? You want someone to  make cookies with, to make snowmen with, to wear scarves with. You want someone, because everything you don’t have seems ten times worse at Christmas.

This is my paradoxical life: I wrote a post a few weeks ago detailing my satisfaction at being single. I am now writing a post about having a hard time with that very same subject.

It’s not that I want someone, persay (I can hear you shouting: SHE’S LYING!). It’s just that it is so hard to be single at this time of year. There’s snow falling every second, practically taunting me and saying, “You know you wish someone was snuggling with you right now as you watch me fall and blanket the ground like glittery frosting.”

The holidays remind me of everything I regret. I can no longer sit by the fire, bake food, go to French bakeries, see the trees lit up in the city, anything anything anything without being reminded of…well…you know.  “But Cappy,” you say, “you’re being so melodramatic, please shut up.” But I can’t. It’s usually okay during the daytime, but then evening rolls around and I remember and then I wallow and then I write stupid blog posts about my stupid life, which I had promised myself I would never do.

But ah, well, what’s the point of a blog if you’re never gonna moan on a little?

The point of this post (before I went on some weird tangent about frosting and trees) is this: the holidays are lonely even though we have so much to be thankful for. 90% of the time we all feel amazing, but then something triggers a memory, like the smell of cinnamon, and WHAMO – we’re crying over our Christmas pudding.

That is so unbelieveably sad. How is it that at Christmas (when we’re supposed to be celebrating Baby Jesus and a bearded man who has cute little elves) are we wallowing? Shouldn’t we just kick ourselves in the pants and dedicate ourselves to collecting money for the poor or decorating cookies to raise awareness for gingerbread-man-scoliosis?

Things we don’t even want tempt us: that diamond ring that nobody in their right mind would care about unless it was Christmas, that cashmere scarf that you definitely cannot afford but bought anyway as a present to yourself from “Santa,” that ex-boyfriend who you only regret breaking up with once a year when you want a cuddle-buddy.
Or maybe you really do regret things and Baby Jesus is reminding you to be a good person and fix them. 

Who knows? I sure don’t. Maybe another candycane will help me find reason….

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Only the Lonely

  1. I totally feel you on this. I’ve really been struggling this holiday, as it’s my first without my ex fiancee. It caused me to write this emo blog post a little bit back, lol.
    http://simplysolo.wordpress.com/2010/12/02/holidays-after-a-breakup/

    I also had a guest post recently about how annoying those jewelry commercials are during the holidays
    http://simplysolo.wordpress.com/2010/12/14/simply-solo-spotlight-diamonds-are-forever-ruining-my-christmas/

    I definitely want someone to cuddle with. And I’m a little stressed about what it will be like to wake up Christmas morning alone. I don’t think I’ve EVER been alone on Christmas morning!!

    My only solace is that as much as it might suck to be alone at the holidays, it probably sucks more to be with someone who makes you uphappy. And thank goodness there is a definitive end … come January 2, all things can go back to normal and you can love your single life again. Except for the snow. There’s not much that can be done about that until the spring :).

  2. Cappy, I so totally understand what you mean. I spent a couple of years alone at Christmas, and mostly it sucked, as much as I tried to just ignore the entire thing. TV doesn’t allow you to forget, and in fact makes you feel so much worse.

    I guess the best advice is to find some ritual to start that you do for yourself. A special recipe, or a great book, or just a long list of fun things that you like to do at home. Keep the TV off, and listen to music.

    They are over soon enough and things get back to normal. We don’t do much special except to have a nice meal and have some treats around. It’s just not worth all the hoopla. We ignore the silliness portrayed by commericals.

    Blessings!

  3. I hate Christmas because my family makes the holiday really stressful and we have the worst fights/knock down drag outs during Christmas time. My best Christmas’ are actually the ones I’m not with my family, like the one I had with my fiancee this year. He keeps me from murdering my family sometimes, so I totally understand where you’re coming from!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s