But…Baby!

It’s cold outside? Is that really the best argument you can think of?

I really can’t stay
But baby, it’s cold outside.
I’ve got to go away
But baby, it’s cold outside…

That is the lamest argument I’ve ever heard. If it’s cold outside, walk her home and cuddle her on the way. Or drive her in your car (carriage?). Or give her some coco for the road. But don’t go all date-rapey and beg her to stay on the premise that it’s cold outside.

The neighbors might faint
But baby, it’s bad out there
Say, what’s in this drink?
No cabs to be had out there

Lady, you suspect that there’s something in the drink and you don’t run screaming for the door? I guess nobody taught her about roofies. Induce vomiting immediately!

My sister will be suspicious
Gosh your lips look delicious

HE’S GONNA EAT YOUR LIPS. HE. IS. A. CANNIBAL.

I’ve got to get home
But baby, you’d freeze out there
Say, lend me a coat
It’s up to your knees out there

Lend her your snowshoes, man. You are utterly useless.

I love Christmas songs. Really. Once mid-December rolls around, I listen to them nonstop. Usually, the cheesier the better. But this song drives me insane. The male part is usually sung in a really creepy deep voice that is waaaay too reminiscent of a date-rapist. It just weirds me out…I guess it’s meant to be sweet, and I usually appreciate that sort of thing, but…

Well, I guess the reason I hate it is because it’s something I’d totally fall for.

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24 thoughts on “But…Baby!

  1. Pingback: Sorry. Had to Violate Copyrights. | The Hotchpotch

  2. Cappy, you are so right on! I’ve always loved this song too, but when you start to analyze it, it’s rather creepy, and the whole thing about the drink–lol! This woman has to smarten up! As Oprah says, follow your hunch, your inner voice, and get the hell out of dodge. She knows she has to leave, so leave, lady! Thanks for the post!

  3. You’re kidding me! Just last night I sat down and tweaked lyrics to this because I got it in my head that it IS a date-rape song and should be sung as such. Wow. I’ll have to post those because this is too perfect. My bestie and I are planning on doing similar lyric-switches to a bunch of Christmas songs and then singing them. Maybe they’ll go up on YouTube or something.

    I always liked this song for that very reason. It’s creepy and I’d fall for it. Or at least I pretend that I would. Because it’s so creepy it amuses me. I’ve had enough of the lighthearted child appropriate Christmas songs about presents. Let’s sing about molestation instead! Woohoo!

  4. Pingback: Is it cold out there or is it just you? « Hear a Snippet Here

  5. this is one of my least favorite xmas songs because it has no resolution… at the end of the song they are still arguing over their disagreement in the beginning.

  6. Dang, I never knew the actual words of this song inside the “baby it’s cold outside” but you are totally right! This is such a date rape song, I am rethinking my like for it, those are some creepy lyrics for sure!

  7. Yeah, agreed. It’s a creepy song sang by cannibals that love women’s lips.

    BUT AHHH. THE GLEE ONE IS AMAZING. (:

    And both the singers are men! Something a little different for a Christmas song? Ooh! Go watch the videoooo, Cappy!

  8. I really, really had to stop myself from laughing out loud while I was reading this! I love this song and never really stopped to think about the lyrics! My favourite version of it was the pseudo duet that Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrell did in Elf…although, now that I think about it, it was kinda creepy that he was singing with her while she was in the shower…

  9. How funny! I love your clever spin on this song. Oh wait, it’s actually just the reality of the words. Why is this song such a hit?

    I’ve browsed a few of your blogs and find your writing to be very entertaining. Thank you!

  10. I really like this song, but this year was the first time I noticed the line “say, what’s in this drink?” and realized it was actually kind of creepy… I still like Dean Martin’s version though.

  11. i TOTALLY agree and I think the rest of the world is slowly realizing it too. I’m going to go ahead and say that when the song first came out, date rape was not as (unfortunately) prevalent, or at least not known about as much as it is today. So there. Credit.

    But now discredit because it is effing creepy. And even more discredits because it lodges itself deep into my head beginning in about mid-November and does not go away until about the end of January. For eff’s sake!

    :)

  12. This was absolutely hilarious! It’s strange how something like this song and other such traditions/expressions become popular. The meaning is never really examined, but accepted. I always did feel a little weird when this song came on, but never gave it much thought. Thanks for pointing this out!

  13. Very funny post! I have to say, I have always really liked this song… but you have definitely made some valid points, haha.

    In case you haven’t seen this video yet, I have to share; it’s quite funny!

  14. You people are crazy.
    This song is not about date-rape—get a life.
    It’s a fun, cute song about a man & woman who like each other, yet neither one of them wants to appear too forward or too eager.

    Your goofy, Orwellian reactions is a result of having read too much Marxist theory in your college literature classes. It results in a lot of angry women who either hate men and therefore have no dating life, or it results in the other extreme—of women who rebel against their parents (as well as against polite society) by getting pierced, tatted, and who are too eager to jump into bed with any guy who shows interest in them.

    • Oh darling, calm down. We all know its not about date rape. The post is taking the lyrics to an extreme to laugh about them, and I’m sorry you didn’t find it funny. I think it’s a fun, cute song about wanting to snuggle and stay out of the cold, even though people will talk.
      I don’t, as you seem to insinuate, jump into bed with people or rebel against my parents. How we got to Marxist literature from a joke about a Christmas song is beyond me.
      Perhaps you should stop being a grump and take a chill pill. Or a stiff drink, whichever you choose.
      Feel free to never stop by again. Cheers!

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