Before I begin, I would like to say a few things:
1. Thank you all so very much for the lovely comments you left on my posts these past few days. The holidays don’t feel so lonely when I know you’re all out there with amazing stories to tell. We’re like a big family that doesn’t fight and probably doesn’t look very much alike…so maybe not that much like a family. Also, a huge thank you to those of you who took the time to use my Invisible Children SocialVibe dealio on the sidebar. It helps raise money to send Ugandan children to school, so your support is appreciated! It takes like 5 seconds and is free, so you all should do it. Go.
2. The idea behind this entire post came out of my friend Chloe’s extremely awesome (dare I say attractive?) brain. From the girl who brought you quotes like, “Did Cappy’s dad just put my Christmas present down his pants? I think so,” comes…you guessed it…The Costco Theory:
The question behind the Costco Theory is this: how long could you live inside a Costco? No supply trucks would come in; it’d just be you (alone) shut inside a Costco for as long as you could last. We’re pretty sure we know the answer…you could live forever inside a Costco. And you’d probably have the time of your life.
You could start a business or go to university online. You’d have your choice of some pretty awesome computers (and all the software you can shove in them…plus you could probably play Dora the Explorer computer games or something). And they probably even have “How to Start a Business While Living in Costco for Dummies” books that you could study with. You’d have printers, ink cartridges, and cameras (for those days when you’re considering photojournalism as a major). They even have nice collared shirts if you feel like dressing up a bit for the office.
You could be a huge couch potato, eating chips all day in front of those 6 giant TVs that are always on display. You could have a barbecue/salmon feed/crab night/anything because they sell barbecues, have a gigantic bakery and another gigantic kitchen (and that’s not even counting the food court), and all the food you’d need is right there in the freezer/snacks section. Did someone say yakisoba noodles? I think so.
Once you felt guilty for eating every potato chip on the shelves, you’d be able to work it off on a treadmill or trampoline…I bet they have Shake Weights. Actually, if you put some effort into it, you could get totally ripped inside Costco.
If you felt like it, you could have a snowball fight in the produce freezer. I say this wishfully, because I’m not entirely sure how you’d get snow inside Costco, but once it was there you could totally keep it in the freezer. Maybe you could get a snowcone maker or something and grind ice into snowballs. I like it, I like it!
You’d stay totally sane inside a Costco, because you’d have the entire book section to read through, plus all their movies and video games (for those lonely nights when you don’t have a Skype date). Do you know how much fun you could have with the passport photo area? It’d be like your own personal photo booth.
And you could be so attractive! You’d always have nice skin-care products to keep you looking lovely, and you could crack open the jewelry display every once in a while when you wanna get bedazzled. These options would probably be more appealing if you had someone else inside the Costco to actually see you, but that’s a minor detail.
Once you’d been inside for long enough, your eyesight might start to fail you. Well, have no fear, because there’s an entire eye-care counter. Get yourself some glasses! Or a magnifying glass…I’m sure they have those somewhere.