A Cat Will Never Say:

1. “Let’s just be friends.”
Obviously, cats can’t speak, so they can’t say anything. But if they could speak, they would never tell you they didn’t love you. You scratch their ears, for heaven’s sake! Of course they love you.

2. “Please stop calling me those annoying baby names.”
You can name your cat Muffin or Binky and it won’t care. And when you make up weird nicknames, like Midget and Bibbet, they can’t protest.

3. “PLAY WITH ME!”
Dogs are really annoying and always want attention. Cats don’t really care what you do, as long as you let them lay in the sun and/or on your pillow.

4. “I’ll call you.”
Cats can’t pick phones up, so this one kinda goes without saying. Plus, how weird would it be to answer the phone and hear a bunch of meowing?

5. “That sweater totally doesn’t go with those boots.”
Cats, if they were human, would have amazing fashion sense. But they aren’t human, so…basically, they can’t talk. Plus, they don’t care what you wear as long as they can shed all over it.

6. “Stop eating so much, it’ll go straight to your hips.”
Cats don’t care what you eat, as long as you cuddle them. Honestly, they probably like it when your hips are a little extra-squishy.

7. “No, I don’t dance.”
There’s never been anything more annoying than a guy who can’t or won’t dance. Your cat, however, doesn’t mind if you pick him/her up and dance with him in the kitchen. So go on, turn on your old record of Danke Schoen and dance away.

8. “Why haven’t you bathed in three days?”
Because if a cat thinks you smell bad, it’ll just nap until you take a bath.

Cat ladies unite! We’re all in this together! Or rather, alone in our houses with our 6 cats…

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9 thoughts on “A Cat Will Never Say:

  1. All cats say to me is, “Someday I will successfully send you into anaphylactic shock! Muuuhahahahaha!” AKA, I’m completely allergic. But if I were to be a cat lady- I would totally want to be part of your cat lady club.

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