Some of the things people do when they’re in relationships amaze me. Like, how exactly does the kissing-photograph go down? “Hey, I really like you, so we should take a photo together while we kiss.” No. I’m sorry, but that’s really annoying. And if you do that, then…well, stop. It might be less obnoxious if you didn’t upload it to Facebook immediately, but then it’d just be sitting around in your house and that’s pretty annoying too.
So here’s what couples shouldn’t do in public.
1. Give each other massages.
Um. What? Why? Why are you touching her like that while I’m at a party trying to eat my bag of Doritos in peace? I want to eat the WHOLE BAG, and if you make me vomit it up….
Just don’t. Wait until later. Find a supply closet for all I care, just DON’T NIBBLE EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW.
3. Take photos together constantly.
I will break your camera. Group shots are fun. Even the really obnoxious “taking a photo of yourself and a couple people by extending your arm in front of you like a fool” is okay every once in a while. But please, don’t do it constantly. I don’t want to be interrupted mid-sentence by you smooching your boyfriend while clicking away at your camera. Like I said, I’ll break the dang thing.
4. Talk as if you’re one entity.
You probably spend a lot of time together, and that’s great. But once you start to be defined by a relationship and ONLY talk about the things you do together, we have a problem.
5. Make really disgusting references to your sex life.
One word: Unnecessary!
I hope I’ve taught you well. You’re welcome, because I basically just prevented you from being punched in the face someday.