Scamming

Scamming: (v) 1. Physical contact of a relatively advanced nature between two consenting teenagers who are not dating and probably never will, and who are just entertaining each other horizontally at a party or boring movie. 2. The act of cheating or carrying out a fraudulent scheme, especially for making a quick profit; swindle.
Though the first definition is very entertaining, I’ll be focusing more on the second.
Specifically, I’ll focus on idiots who call businesses pretending to be from the telephone company. And as I am a receptionist, these twits usually go through me first.
Dear Rude Lady who called me today asking to speak to my boss,
When I ask who’s calling, don’t just say Hannah, because I can tell you aren’t a personal friend of hers. You have a very southern accent and I live in the northwest, and anyone who has lived here for more than 5 minutes doesn’t sound like you.
Also, when I ask what the call is in regards to, please don’t simply say “I need to speak with her about the lines we’re putting in,” because that doesn’t even make sense. If you were legitimate, you’d say exactly who you were and exactly what you were calling about. For all I know, you’re talking about clothes lines. Or fishing line. Or a line in geometry.
Then, when I ask what company you’re from because I’m about 3 seconds away from strangling you through the phone, don’t tell me you’re from a phone company we don’t even have service from. Because if we don’t have phone service from you, why would you need to put lines in our office? I’m not a complete fool.
Finally, when I tell you we’re not interested, I’m really restraining myself from calling you and your mother a fool. But please – I’ve been polite. Don’t just hang up. Say I have a nice phone voice or something. A little scammer’s scamming never hurt.
Thanks,
Cappy
P.S. I mean, really?! What do you think is going to happen when you call? Even if you did get through me, do you think my boss would be stupid and say, “Oh yes, have my credit card number right now. Take all my money and put your clothes lines up in my office!”

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6 thoughts on “Scamming

  1. LOL!
    you are far more restrained than me. A man called my parents’ house while they were out, saying that he was from the bank and needed to get some info from my father. Wouldn’t give me a number to call back (I, uh, use an internet line…), just wanted to know ‘when he’ll be home’. I told him that my dad was about as likely to use a shady character like him, with no phone number, for banking as I was to marry a goat (only it wasn’t marry… it was ruder), and that he could go to hell and NEVER call us back, and, to be clear, my father would be far less polite than me if he ever actually got on the phone with this guy, so DON”T call back later.
    but i guess if you’re in an office environment, you have to avoid telling people their likelyhood of success compared to the likelihood of you ‘marrying’ farmyard animals.
    …”Take all my money and put your clothes lines up in my office!” haha :)

  2. Pingback: I Am Cappy: Hear Me Grump! « writer's block

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