How to Make Friends

Step One: See them around town.
You like what you see. They seem nice, always chatting with passersby or wearing something fun. Give them a little nod as you pass to show that you want to be best friends.
Follow them to their favorite lunch spot. Memorize their order so that one day you can be in front of them in line and order it, then hear them gasp delightedly behind you and say, “That’s my favorite!” I can practically hear the sound of friendship bracelets being made.

Step Two: Ask around.
Casually ask your friends (or any complete stranger within a 10 foot radius) “Who is that sassy lady wearing  a false ponytail and cowboy boots? I’d like to know her. What is her name? Birthday? Social security number?”

Step Three: Add on Facebook.
Because nothing’s more welcome than a random friend request from someone you may or may not have seen staring at your false ponytail.
If you’re feeling spunky, add a personal note. “Hey, I’ve seen you around and think you are the coolest thing since ice cubes. I would like to be your best friend…forever.”

Step Four: Find out where they work.
This information can be obtained in the same manner as in Step Two.

Step Five: “Bump” into them at work.
“Oh my goodness, you work here? I had no idea. I work across town at a pizza stand, which has nothing to do with your high-flying job as a trapeze artist so I really have no reason to be here…what a crazy coincidence! Wanna be best friends?!”

Step Six: Burn the restraining orders.
They were mistakes. Mistakes!
 Keep telling yourself that.

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3 thoughts on “How to Make Friends

  1. Pingback: How to Make Friends (via writer’s block) | madstickynotes

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