I am a pale girl. It’s just a fact of life. I’m not albino, nor do I have that white-blonde hair that turns green with chlorine or makes me look sick, but I’m pale nonetheless. And this weekend, I turned into a lobster.
I was at the lake with some friends and we were all joking about how pale we are. One of my friends even made the infamous remark that she looks like a “pale piece of blubber,” which I thought was a little extreme. I’ll have you know that I was the palest piece of blubber on that dock.
I forgot about the sunscreen. I put some on in the morning, but I spent about 6 hours outside with a bikini on. And went swimming, which basically just means bye bye sunscreen.
Long story short, I can’t even scratch my nose for pain.
I didn’t wear a bra or underwear to work today because it hurt too bad. And it’s not even sexy to say that, because even if someone I worked with was turned on by my lack of undergarments (which they wouldn’t be, since they’re all married and older than me, and only one of them is a man), I don’t think they’d want to see my bright red skin. In fact, I know they wouldn’t. It’s sick. This is my sad life.
My cousin, who is 1/4 Philipino and the tannest man I have ever met, laughed at me when I told him about it on the phone this morning. “Lil cuz,” he said, cuz that’s how he talks, “you gotta indoor tan too!”
Ralphie, I don’t know if you’ve met me, but I’m very blonde and very pale. Indoor tanning burns me after 4 minutes. Hell, my EYES get sunburned if I don’t wear sunglasses all the time. You can see this little red stripe across the white of my eye that my eyelids didn’t cover. It’s sick, kids, and you should run away screaming.
I feel like a piece of dried seaweed. If that’s even possible.