коты, kočka, kaķis, חתול, and кот

Here are some recent Google searches that brought people to my blog:

коты, kočka, kaķis, חתול, and кот – Those were all separate searches, which is disconcerting since I don’t know what any of those words mean and therefore don’t understand how Google directed them here. But uhhh…mazel tov?

we love each other like we love food – That’s a lot of love. Because if you’re anything like me, you love food A LOT. Sometimes I think maybe I don’t have enough love left over to love anyone, since I love food so much. It fills up my love quota every day.

i really like you – Oh, thank you! I really like you too, even though I don’t know you at all. But I probably like you. Unless you’re a creep, in which case you should leave me alone, please.

etequate of life – Part of the etiquette of life is proper spelling. So you failed. Sorry.

dancing like your having sex – I’m sorry, but first of all, you used the wrong you’re. It’s dancing like YOU’RE having sex. Second, I think I specifically told you not to do that. It’s icky. What would Jesus say? You know, if he weren’t dead and everything.

my wife beats me – This has happened before. I’m seriously worried about the well-being of my readers. Seek help, sir, as domestic abuse is a serious issue!

how to dress like a stud muffin for Halloween – I don’t think I can help you there. Maybe just go naked?

what are people who hang around bikers who don’t have bikes – Not bikers. They’re called not bikers. And they’re also losers because biking is awesome and they should join in on the rollicking fun times. Unless you mean bikers as in motorcyclists, in which case whatever cuz I don’t like motorcycles.

hello my name is gabby – Hi Gabby. I’m Cappy. How are you? Oh, and also, why would you introduce yourself to Google?

julian casablancas cool? – That is NOT a question. He is. He IS. Mmm.

cat – I love cats. I LOVE CATS!

things you could say to creep the love of your life out – Basically, just quote any sentence from this blog. You’re welcome.

i’m so smooth with the girls – Oh, are you now, Tarim? I’m assuming you’re called that or some other Middle Eastern name, but I really don’t know, and now I feel like maybe I’m being racist. OH NO! I’m sorry :(

writers block pregnancy – At the rate I’m going, I will never be pregnant, so I can’t help you there.

kiss without touching – Ehhh, I don’t think you can do that. Unless it’s like, this crazy existential touching and you’re a zen buddhist or something, in which case GOOD ON YOU, cuz that’s pretty awesome. Congratulations.

what kind of school do you need for rocket scientist – A whole bunch. If you need to ask, you’re probably not cut out for it. Also, it’s “schooling,” not “school.” Man, I sound uptight today. Grammar Nazi alert.

i like a girl who isn’t lesbian but im also a girl – I’m sorry. That’s probably super hard. You should’ve sent this in to my agony aunt post or something! Way to pay attention, jeeeez. You should probably move on, cuz I don’t know if this chick’s gonna be into you if she’s straight.

who writes the borovkoff blog? – That is a question I do not have the answer to. I’m sorry. But probably a Russian man…

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