What they say: You always have the cutest clothes! I swear, they’d look bad on anyone else but you!
What they mean: Those clothes look bad on everyone. Why are you wearing them, you tramp?
What they say: You were too good for him. It’s best that you broke up.
What they mean: You have terrible taste and MY GOD I’ve been waiting for you two to break up for months. He’s a loser, and you are by association. Also, I never told you while you two were dating because I’m a terrible friend.
What they say: Have you seen my [object]?
What they mean: Drop everything and help me look, slave.
What they say: Does this make me look fat?
What they mean: If you say yes, I’m dumping you.
What they say: I look fat.
What they mean: I feel a little crappy about myself but know I don’t actually look fat, so if you could just reinforce that…thanks.
What they say: You’re the nicest boy I’ve ever met, I’m so glad we’re friends.
What they mean: I have terrible taste in guys so I will never like you. I’m too busy mooning over twits. Thorry!
What they say: I’m busy.
What they mean: Leave me the hell alone, you’re obnoxious and I’d rather eat my pants than spend time with you.
What they say: We just don’t need any employees at the moment.
What they mean: Seriously, it looks like you’re wearing my grandmother’s sweater. So no, we don’t want you selling clothes here.
Or they could just mean they’re not hiring at the moment…whatever…
What they say: Having reviewed the many applications we have received in the past few months, we regret to inform you that we cannot accept you to Harvard at this time.
What they mean: Your daddy didn’t donate enough to our library.
What they say: We just don’t have similar interests.
What they mean: You stayed up until 3 AM playing beer pong on a Wednesday night, and really, I don’t feel like cleaning up your puke anymore. Pack up your Abercrombie wardrobe and get movin’.