I love college basketball. I especially loved it a few years ago when our local team had some pretty great players on it.
One of those players was David. Sigh. Oh David. I loved David in that sad way a high schooler loves a college guy; it was like Shakespearean tragedy. We were never meant to be. But I watched him from afar, his ginger hair flowing (ish) and making him look like his head was on fire…in a sexy way.
Now that he’s not in college anymore, he works in my parents’ office building, which is also across the street from mine. From time to time I go to deliver something to my mom and hop back in the elevator, only to have DAVID get in next to me. I swear, it’s so sad how I almost piddle my pants every single time I see him.
Him, walking into the elevator: Hi. [polite smile and nod]
Me: Nrrrgnghhhh [pee]
Him: [silence, because he didn’t notice that I’m an idiot]
Me, in a very quiet whisper: Marry me, David.
Well, he married someone, but she is not me! In all fairness, she looks a bit like me (tall and blonde, and that’s about where the resemblance stops), so I just have to assume that he was so heartbroken that he couldn’t find his mysterious elevator girl (also known as pee-girl) and was forced to settle for someone similar. I saw them getting ice cream the other day. They were cute. Boo.
Anyway, the point of this blog post is this: We finally spoke today. I know. I know!
I was in the elevator and it stopped on his floor. I was thinking to myself, “I wish David would be here, but all I see is this shorter (yet nice) fellow wearing a north face. Where is David?” when all of a sudden, there he was, in his gigantic ginger glory. (I never miss a chance at alliteration.)
Me: [Silence, because I really didn’t want him to think I was psycho]
His friend: Hello! [He was super cheery]
Me: Hi there! [David, love me]
DAVIDDD: [bangs his head against the wall of the elevator violently like, 8 times]
His friend: Dude, you’re so out of it today.
David: I know! [Bang bang]
Me: [Attractive laugh]
David, turning: Hi, how are you?
Me: I’m great thanks [you spoke to me!] It’s been one of those days. I feel like banging my head against a wall too.
David: [Attractive chuckle] Oh man, what a day.
Me: [Marry me please!] Well, have a nice day! This is my stop.
David and Friend: You too!
So obviously, you can see that we will be going on a date tonight. Yes, he has a wife. Yes, I have a boyfriend. I don’t really see your point. Nothing can get in the way of the love between David and Elevator Girl.
Plus, I looked pretty cute. And there’s only a 5% chance that there was something in my teeth. So there.