I love college basketball. I especially loved it a few years ago when our local team had some pretty great players on it.
One of those players was David. Sigh. Oh David. I loved David in that sad way a high schooler loves a college guy; it was like Shakespearean tragedy. We were never meant to be. But I watched him from afar, his ginger hair flowing (ish) and making him look like his head was on fire…in a sexy way.
Now that he’s not in college anymore, he works in my parents’ office building, which is also across the street from mine. From time to time I go to deliver something to my mom and hop back in the elevator, only to have DAVID get in next to me. I swear, it’s so sad how I almost piddle my pants every single time I see him.
Him, walking into the elevator: Hi. [polite smile and nod]
Me: Nrrrgnghhhh [pee]
Him: [silence, because he didn’t notice that I’m an idiot]
Me, in a very quiet whisper: Marry me, David.
Well, he married someone, but she is not me! In all fairness, she looks a bit like me (tall and blonde, and that’s about where the resemblance stops), so I just have to assume that he was so heartbroken that he couldn’t find his mysterious elevator girl (also known as pee-girl) and was forced to settle for someone similar. I saw them getting ice cream the other day. They were cute. Boo.
Anyway, the point of this blog post is this: We finally spoke today. I know. I know!
I was in the elevator and it stopped on his floor. I was thinking to myself, “I wish David would be here, but all I see is this shorter (yet nice) fellow wearing a north face. Where is David?” when all of a sudden, there he was, in his gigantic ginger glory. (I never miss a chance at alliteration.)
Davidddddd.
Me: [Silence, because I really didn’t want him to think I was psycho]
His friend: Hello! [He was super cheery]
Me: Hi there! [David, love me]
DAVIDDD: [bangs his head against the wall of the elevator violently like, 8 times]
His friend: Dude, you’re so out of it today.
David: I know! [Bang bang]
Me: [Attractive laugh]
David, turning: Hi, how are you?
Me: I’m great thanks [you spoke to me!] It’s been one of those days. I feel like banging my head against a wall too.
David: [Attractive chuckle] Oh man, what a day.
Me: [Marry me please!] Well, have a nice day! This is my stop.
David and Friend: You too!
So obviously, you can see that we will be going on a date tonight. Yes, he has a wife. Yes, I have a boyfriend. I don’t really see your point. Nothing can get in the way of the love between David and Elevator Girl.
Plus, I looked pretty cute. And there’s only a 5% chance that there was something in my teeth. So there.
Oh, yes. Definitely. Banging your head against the wall is always the first sign of heavy flirtation.
Only when it’s in response to something the other person said. If not, there’s no flirting…
Know any engineers who could stall a lift at will? Nothing like constriction to widen the possibilities of lurvin’.
You inspire me.
I’ll start schmoozing engineers asap.
Aw man. You’re making me want to blog about Soldier Bread guy. :P I loved this post to bits. If I saw this post in an elevator, I would pee.
Ohhh I love you
Write the post!
That was brilliantly hilarious. Been there done that, except for peeing myself in an elevator but hey, you never know what’s around the corner lol
Apparently, and I did not remember this until a friend reminded me last night, David has spoken to me before. He said, “Nice Birkenstocks.”
He loves me.
This is so cute. I love it. It’s so real :)
Ohh thank you :) I’m glad you enjoy! It’s a little too real possibly hahahah I have a problem :P