We’re All Cowards Here

This is the internet (in case you didn’t remember). It’s a great place, full of pictures of kittens, recipes, social media, and, you guessed it, some pretty great writing. But it’s also a place full of assholes.

I’m talkin’ to you, anonymous commenters of the world.

I do it too. I did it last week in my post “She’s Falling, Flying on the Wings of Love.” I hid behind the semi-anonymity of my blog and criticized someone I don’t know and will probably never meet. Do I regret it? Yeah, a little. Do I still believe in what I said? Somewhat. I asked people to laugh at her. That ain’t cool, bro. I realize now that, dare I say it, I sympathize with her.
I guess the circumstances are  a little different because she voluntarily put herself in the spotlight, right in front of everyone, and said, “Look at me! Look at me!” And we did. We looked at Courtney Stodden and said, “She’s fake, she’s a whore, she’s just doing it for the attention.” But how do we know her motives? Not gonna lie, I have a strong suspicion that she married D-Hutch for a little more than just love, but that’s no reason for everyone to send her hate mail. Besides, maybe she is completely, madly in love. I wouldn’t want people criticizing my marriage…She’s 17. She’s younger than I am. She’s married. She wants attention. She likes controversy. Maybe she’s totally wrong. But does she deserve to be called a skank by half the world? No. Nobody deserves that.
Because I run a blog, I put myself out there too. Fortunately enough, not very many of my readers know my true identity and therefore don’t know what I look like, where I live, etc. And I will never go so far to say that I have celebrity status, obviously, but more than 5 people read this blog…therefore, some y’all are bound to hate it.

And one of you told me.

“You misspelled ‘feisty’ in your sidebar. It would be wise for an aspiring author to use spellcheck, perhaps… And perhaps stop acting so prudish…” – Anonymous.
1. Prudish? I don’t follow…
2. Perhaps you could limit your use of the word perhaps. You know, just perhaps.
3. I did misspell feisty in my sidebar, and it has now been fixed. Next time you want to correct my spelling, though, maybe go about it a little differently. Compliment my hair. Tell me I’m sassy. Then say I can’t spell worth shit.

“While I agree with this sentiment, you don’t seem to be immune to stereotyping gays yourself. Why would you enjoy watching sassy gay friend videos if you didn’t enjoy the stereotyping of gay men? Also, ‘OK with Gay’ is not a coined phrase and shouldn’t be in quotation marks.” – Anonymous
1. I kind of have nothing to say to that. I didn’t say I was perfect, and I by no means ever will. So maybe I stereotyped in a post about not stereotyping. I tried not to. My bad.
2. Heaven forbid I put something in quotation marks when they’re not supposed to be. Look, I ended a sentence with “to be.” Is that wrong? Probably. Screw conventions.
3. I want to read your immaculately edited blog.

“You’re not that funny. Most of humor is based on hyperbole, pretending you are British, or on self-deprecation.” – Anonymous.
1. Bro, you’re just rampaging now. I checked, and it’s the same IP address. You’re wasting your time on my blog if you don’t think I’m funny.
2. Get ready for a truth bomb: You’re right. Most of my humor is based on all of that. I hate on myself a lot to make people laugh. I use too many Britishisms. I exaggerate everything. (See, that right there was an exaggeration.) Oy, I’m bloody well clever! You know that made you laugh a bit! Oh, it didn’t? Must be because I’m a huge dolt! Bugger.

I guess there isn’t much more I have to say. I’ve been taught some lessons, though…don’t be a bitch over the internet and then cry about it when someone does the same to you…yeah, that might be one lesson. Another? Anonymity is both good and bad. Another? Don’t say stuff online you wouldn’t talk to your grandmother about. Another? Say it to someone’s face, not in black and white. Another? I will always defend myself. Another? I strangely admire Courtney Stodden for sticking up for herself too. Apparently her boobs are real. Touche, Courtney. Touche.

11 thoughts on “We’re All Cowards Here

Add yours

  1. No matter what you write about, and how you write it, you will ALWAYS offend someone. That’s a fact. If you wrote about fluffy kittens, someone would take offence. If you wrote perfect American sentences, some twat wanker English person would criticise you. Etc etc…

    I personally thought you were English, living in America. What’s the big deal about whether or not you use English slang words? Is there like a language police somewhere monitoring us? If so: Buggery bollocks to them :-)

    So her boobs are real? Bless her, she looks plastic fantastic though…

  2. I’ve been there lady. You know how I roll on my blog and apparently there is a man out there who does not appreciate it. In fact, he appreciates it so little he frequently comments that I need to be “dick slapped” and “deserve to be raped”. So….those people exist. Screw ’em. I’m funny as hell and so are you.

    1. …That’s so shit! I can’t believe that. What a ding dong. Let’s knock him out with our humor.
      You’re right. We’re funny. And we’re nice, which is more than I can say for some people.
      You’re my sista from anotha mista. Though I’m not really sure how I feel about that…way to go, mom…

    2. Geesh ladies, I’m sorry to hear about this!! Luckily I know this is the minority and you have many adoring fans (ahem…) who know a good joke and a talented writer when we see one. :)

      I have wondered about the spelling thing, though. I know I’ve made typos on my blog, but no one has ever corrected me so I’ve never corrected anyone else – I can’t think of a way to make it indisputably polite so I don’t go there. If for whatever reason I felt they wanted me to correct them, though, I would send an email, and not broadcast it through comments!

  3. Caps, don’t let these anonymous idiots get to you. The world is filled with them and the number one key to successful humor is to be self-deprecating. Number two is exaggerating to make a point. Number three? Doing it all in a British accent. (Ok, well, I’m exaggerating about that last one. It’s really number four.) :)

    1. :) Thank you Monica! What’s number three? Throwing pie in peoples’ faces? Cuz I do that sometimes.

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