Stop Being Useless and Start Being Pizza هرة

I’ve gotten some interesting searches recently…here, read some. Welcome to my world.

i hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited but im a creepy stalker – Well I’m glad you can confess this to someone, even if it is just Google and technically that isn’t a person…anyway, you should stop turning up out of the blue and telling people you’re a creepy stalker. Just a thought.

stop being useless and start being pizza – I agree. Also, I’m just going to assume this is addressed to boys because they can be very useless and I would much prefer that they were pizza.

how to get the penis point up – I really wouldn’t know, and if you’ve resorted to coming to this blog to find out, you’re going to be 1) sadly disappointed and 2) very unsuccessful at everything you do in life.

wild thornberry honey badger – You have combined two of my favorite things. Thank you, kind stranger.

threesome punchlines – Get off my blog. Now.

hipster winter clothes – They’re the same as their summer clothes. Badum chhhh! Get it?

blonde girls 4 years old – Please stop searching the internet for that kind of thing. It’s unnerving.

jazz+hands+driving = dangerous! So stop that right now! Hands at 10 and 2, kids. 10 and 2.

wrench – You are definitely in the right place…

marrying a short woman – Totally acceptable. Unless you’re really tall, in which case I would suggest that you save yourself for a tall woman. But it’s obviously up to you. Just don’t come crying to me when it all goes horribly awry.

make friends – You can’t force me, Mom! I know I’ve had an imaginary friend for a long time and other people told you it would be unhealthy for me. I know they said I wouldn’t make real friends. I know. But I like my life. I don’t want friends. They just hurt me, Mama!

you are awesome – Right back at ya! You are so awesome! Mainly because you came here. And this blog is awesome. So the awesome has rubbed off on you. It’s science, I swear.

هرة – I don’t know what this means, but it looks a little bit like Princess Leah smiling, so I’m down with it.

My top search of all time: cat. This is what I’ve become.

9 thoughts on “Stop Being Useless and Start Being Pizza هرة

Add yours

  1. As a straight male who loves pizza, I vow to never jazz hand drive…ever. That being said, what were those threesome punchlines again?
    Leave the blog?
    OK. Sorry.

  2. Out of curiosity, I searched for the translation of that Arabic search word that you think looks like Princess Leah…apparently, it means “cat”. So your last sentence is even more apt.

    Maybe I should start thinking about being that pizza now…

    1. 1. You’re amazing.
      2. That’s hilarious, and also YESSS.
      3. You are better than pizza. Always. And that means a lot.

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