Some of you (none of you) have noticed that I no longer have a Facebook. Why, you ask? Oh, no reason.
Okay, there were lots of reasons:
1. Who cares about what happens on Facebook? I could care less that you went to a magic show and that it “blew your mind.” Or that it was the worst day ever until your “baby-boo-poobear” sent you a text. Or that you’ve gotten your Gemini horoscope from lulu-the-enchantress.com. Or that you’re still playing Farmville (for goodness sake, stop already!). My real life is pretty removed from reality as it is (I swear I think about frogs and Thai food more than I pay attention to what’s going on around me) without Facebook getting in the way.
2. Why should I spend time in a “social” setting that is filled with antisocial people? Some of my “friends” in high school never actually spoke to me except on Facebook. It was really awkward seeing them in person, but somehow Facebook pulled down the barrier and made us close. I never valued those friendships the way I value personal (like, actually in person) friendships.
3. Facebook leads to me feeling crappy about myself. I already do that enough in real life, so there’s no reason to enhance it online. And I waste time on it anyway. I don’t need to look at people’s profile pictures for two hours instead of reading a book, or actually breathing outside air.
But…now that I’ve stopped using Facebook, I’ve realized I’ve grown very dependent on social media. I practically spew useless information. Here are some things I’ve wanted to tell people, but then didn’t because I knew it would only be considered acceptable conversation on Facebook, especially when phrased this way:
1. Chips and salsa at midnight = bad idea!
2. I watched a movie tonight! It was great.
3. I love George Harrison. Let’s all have a gush-fest about how dreamy he is.
4. The rain here is so annoying. My hair is so tangled! Boo.
5. Twilight? Puh-lease.
6. The dude behind me in the library is being really loud. Quiet! We’re in a library!
7. College rulez!
8. College sux.
9. Seriously though, library man. Shut up.
10. Read my blog! Look! My blog’s so great!
I’ve also noticed that other people freak out when they find out you’ve deleted your profile.
1. “You’ll be baaaaack. They always come baaaaack to Facebook. It’s beautiful and, mmm, it smells like heaven; no one can resist. Reeeeeer!”
2. “Oh. My. God. I heard from Mary who heard from Kathy that you deleted your profile. Why? Why? Why?”
3. “You’re a loser. Pttttbbbbtttt.”
4. “You’re a double-loser.”
5. “How are we gonna be friends without Facebook?! Oh noooo.”
And for the first couple of days, the moment I get on the internet, my fingers would automatically type in “facebook.co….” and I’d think to myself, “Oh God. Oh God, what have I become?! I. Will. Not. Cave. I. Will. Not. Go. Back. To. FACEBOOK! There must be rehab for this.”
It’s been almost two weeks now, and I’m still clean, man. Still clean after quitting cold turkey. Not many people thought I could do it, but I’ve proven them wrong. I’ve proven them all wrong!