Where is my Vuvuzela?!

Sometimes I think I could really use a vuvuzela. It could come in handy in so many situations! Like these:

1. In class when the professor can’t see you raising your hand. VUVUZELA! I have a question!

2. At Thanksgiving when you’re running around trying to get the turkey and potatoes and stuffing ready and no one will get out of your way and…VUVUZELA! Out the road, everyone! Turkey coming through!

3. On the highway when someone cuts you off and your car has a girly horn. VUVUZELA! I am a strong person and you just wronged me! Grrr!

4. When you’re trying to get through the line of Harry Potter fans waiting to meet J.K. Rowling. VUVUZELA! I am the biggest fan of them all!

5. When you’re trying to sleep and someone’s gettin’ busy with their girlfriend next door. VUVUZELA! Be quiet!

6. When you’re in the supermarket during one of those 12 hour cereal sales and someone is standing right in front of the Captain Crunch. VUVUZELA! That’s my cereal, wench!

7. When you get an A on an exam. VUVUZELA! I’m so much better than you!

8. When you’re at a golf tournament and the silence is getting a little awkward. VUVUZELA! It’s not awkward anymore, because now everyone’s about to punch you!

9. When you want the bank teller to hurry up and put the money in your bag. VUVUZELA! Faster, faster, this is a stickup! Also, VUVUZELA! These cops will never catch me!

10. When people argue over the Christmas tree size, shape, and placement…VUVUZELA! It’s greenery, kids! Get over it.

8 thoughts on “Where is my Vuvuzela?!

Add yours

  1. This cracked me up so much! I kept picturing you blowing the vuvuzela at all the moments you describe. What a hoot. I never knew the name of this instrument. Now I want one of my own. It’s so cool.

  2. Ha! I can relate to the girly horn – I used to have a VW Beetle (baby blue – NO ONE took me seriously). I think I would also use the vuvuzela when at a party and someone drops a conversation bomb. Like, “My wife just left me for our dog walker. And they took the dog.” VUVUZELA!

    1. Haha unexpected conversation bombs freak me out. At least that one would be pretty entertaining!
      I drive a Jetta. It has the tiniest little horn!

  3. We have a Eurovan we go camping in, which of course frequently takes us in to rural areas, where everyone has giant rigs that have horns that sound like something an army in Lord of the Rings would sound before charging in to battle. Then our bus has it’s little “meeeep.” A vuvuleza would actually be a step up the masculinity chain.

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