Top 8 reasons I pull my hair out at this place:
1. A girl in front of me at the soft serve machine “messed up” on her ice cream cone, so she sat it down on the bottom of the machine and made a new one. Are. You. Kidding. Me? How do you mess up making an ice cream cone? And even if you do, does that render it inedible? No, no it does not.
2. Some dude screamed, “CHAD!” at my face today in the dining hall. It was sort of frightening. Also, my name isn’t CHAD.
3. People don’t understand personal space. I was standing in a line yesterday when some guy behind me practically rubbed himself against my back. Then he and his obnoxious girlfriends shouted a conversation about three inches from my ear, and then he started singing “Friday.” Then I cried.
4. I haven’t eaten real beef in a month. I don’t know what they serve in the dining hall, but it ain’t real.
5. The train goes by my room (about three feet away) and “toots” (blares) its horn at the exact moment I’m about to fall asleep.
6. People just stare at me. While I’d like to say it’s because I’m absolutely stunning and turn people into jello the moment they set eyes on me, it’s more likely because everyone here is an idiot.
Okay, that’s a lie. But a lot of people here are idiots. A lady ran into me today and instead of saying anything, she just stared at me. So I apologized, even though I’d been standing still so it obviously wasn’t my fault. I think I just felt like someone needed to say, “I’m sorry,” and she wasn’t picking up the slack. So I did.
7. A girl ran into my legs last week when I was sitting down in class. I was waiting for class to start and she just bowled into my legs to get to a seat next to me. EXCUSE ME, my legs were there! And as she just blundered around, trying to untangle herself from me, I APOLOGIZED. AGAIN. Because she didn’t even look at me. She should’ve been sorry. I have knee problems, and if they’d flared up again I would have stuck the law on her! These legs are valuable and precious, sister. Apologize for what you’ve done.
8. I got pushed off the sidewalk. Okay, not exactly. But when walking in the U S of A, people tend to stay to the right on sidewalks, right? Not here. People walk side by side, 8 to a group, and knock people (me…) into the mud. Because here, wherever there isn’t sidewalk, there’s usually mud.
And that, folks, is why college is for goons.