So, I’ve written a lot of posts lately about my experiences on planes, traveling, etc. Usually, the more a blogger writes about something, the more hilariously specific spam posts and google searches they receive. (For those of you who don’t know, there is a feature on WordPress that allows bloggers to find out what Google searches lead people to their blog. Mine is most often “cats.”)
Anyway, I’ve gotten some ridiculous ones lately. Behold:
The bodies were not discovered by the police until five hours after the plane took off.
That is probably the most hilarious sentence I have ever, ever, ever seen as a comment on my blog. Ever. I laughed, I cried, I laughed so hard I cried…and then I wondered if that had really happened. If, maybe, several dead people had somehow gotten onto a plane, gotten themselves buckled in, asked the flight attendant for a complimentary warm towel, and then just sat there and waited patiently for the police to discover them.
Of course, I do not subscribe to the notion that the bodies were alive when they boarded the plane. No, no. They must’ve been dead the whole time. But they weren’t zombies…
This is the way my brain works, kids. It makes up weird scenarios that seem more like they should’ve been in a short story I read in middle school.
And then I realized it’s been a long time since I’ve told y’all about the wonderful things people Google to get here:
how to make a bitch fall in love with you – Well, first you stop calling her a bitch, and then you buy her cupcakes.
make him yearn for you – YES. Make him yearn for you by being saucy and full of oomph and zizz and yowza.
inside a black hole – If you’ve ever been there, you must let me know what it’s like. Because that is the way I want to die…getting stretched to oblivion by a black hole.
why isn’t barney on tv anymore? – I don’t really know, my friend. It’s a tragedy and also possibly a travesty, and I personally cry every night wishing that Barney was still in my life.
tiny timmy tokyo – SMALL JAPANESE CHILD YES! Also, this phrase is from a video on youtube from people who do “bad lip readings” of pop songs. This particular gem is from Miley Cyrus’ Party in the USA. Enjoy.