Some of you might not know that I was Vice President of the Associated Student Body in middle school. Well, I was. And I was awesome. So to prove how awesome I was back in 8th grade, here is the speech I gave to get elected. On the internet. Published. Immortalized forever. Can’t be taken back.
Hold on tight.
My name is Cappy and I am running for Vice President.
Stop. Close your eyes and imagine that you are going to the perfect school. We’ll call it Perfect Elementary; Perfect Middle School (please note the probably correct use of the semicolon…I was a genius). All the lockers and drinking fountains work. All the locks on the bathroom stalls work; none are broken or missing (again, notice the semicolon, my favorite form of punctuation). Imagine that the food tastes great and is healthy. All of the sports equipment is in perfect shape. No one is mean to you, or pushes you around in the hallways. Now open your eyes. Look around. We are NOT in the perfect school. Not that we will ever be, but things can be improved. I mean, think about it. REALLY think about it. (Don’t just pretend think about it.) When you can bend a hotdog from the lunchroom around from tip to tip without it breaking, there are some serious problems! (Pretty sure that wasn’t an exaggeration.)
I’m not going to tell you a whole bunch of stuff about me. That’s everybody else’s speech. And you guys really don’t want to hear everyone’s speech all over again, do you? But I will tell you this. If I am elected, I’m not going to be the principal, or superintendent. I won’t have that control. I will be the vice president. And I won’t be able to change everything that I want to. But I will be able to try. If you vote for me, I will do whatever I can to make this school better for you. It’s what we all want, right? Being in the ASB, especially being vice president, is a huge responsibility. But it’s a responsibility that I can handle. So when you leave this gym and get your ballots, vote for Cappy for vice president. Thank you.
And that is why I’m running for president this year. Move over Ron Paul, it’s Cappy 2012.