Water is Water is Water

Shh, it’s a secret! It’s exactly the same as all other water…

I must admit, I have done something very typically American. Not only American, but American girl (not talking about the dolls, here, people. Those are lovely, but what I mean is that I have done something that a stereotypical American female would do). I have gotten in the habit of buying SmartWater.

Now, I usually don’t buy bottled water in the first place, because I don’t think water should be a commodity, since it pours from the sky and whatnot. I think there should be a million drinking fountains and faucets all over the planet so people can drink water without paying half their retirement for it. But, as I am a silly Sally, I often forget my water bottle at home and need to drink more than a tablespoon of water from a fountain, so I buy a bottle.

I recycle the bottles! I refill them! I put them in the recycle bin! Stop making me feel like such a jerk!

Anyway, lately I’ve been buying the more expensive bottles of water, which makes me feel like a bit of a cow, honestly. (British English has better degrading words than American English, so I have chosen to use the word “cow” instead of “ass” or “bitch,” because really, this is a family site.) Anyway, it makes me feel like a cow, and here’s why:

I try to say I like SmartWater better than Dasani or any other cheap brand because the SmartWater bottles have those little squirt lids and they’re easier to drink from. I also have tried to justify spending 20 cents more on water because the bottle is more ergonomically pleasing and fits better inside my backpack because it’s taller and thinner. But really, in all honestly, I think the bottles are prettier. ARE YOU LISTENING, GOD? I AM A FICKLE FRANNIE! Those bottles are an advertiser/marketer’s dream! They’re lovely!

At least I don’t play into that whole “taste the electrolytes” tripe they try to sell you on. I don’t think I’m any more hydrated drinking SmartWater than Dasani, or tap water for that matter. And I definitely could care less if my Dasani came from a penguin-filled spring in Greenland or not. Water is water is water, unless of course it has dysentery in it, in which case water is water is death.

So I feel like a twit for being a restless consumer, but I enjoy my fancy container of water. I will try, from now on, to bring my reusable bottle with me, if only to spare you all from having to read another of these ridiculous posts.

Cheers, and bring on the tap water!

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8 thoughts on “Water is Water is Water

  1. It’s ok…when I forget my water bottle from home I always buy Fiji brand even though it’s more expensive and the water bottle sucks for fitting into things like backpacks and cupholders just because it’s pretty.

  2. Actually, water is not always water. Sometimes water is something mixed with bits of sodium and ozone, and some secret chemicals and bottled off in fancy containers with a nice pretty label, and then sold in Walmarts across the world. To me, water is the stuff that is pumped from my 103 foot deep Artesian well, and tastes like heaven.

    nice blog, I haven’t been here before, but I like the way you write. I think I shall take a gander…

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