Ahh, my specialty.

1. Walk quietly up behind them and begin singing a song really softly and slowly in their ear. It’s best if it’s a song from a children’s movie or something. Just imagine hearing “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…” floating eerily into your ear.

2. Lurk. Anywhere, really. Lurk in corners, dark areas, etc. But perhaps the most creepy way to lurk is to lurk as if you think no one can see you when really, they can. Lurk in fully lit rooms, “hide” against walls, follow people around on the street…really, as long as you’ve got your shoulders hiked up a little toward your ears and you have shifty eyes, your lurking is a success.

3. Stroke people’s arms. Just walk up behind them and say quietly, “You’re so soft” and touch them lightly on the upper arm. Then stroke. Because really, when someone doesn’t want to be touched, it’s best to touch them on as much surface area as possible…

4. Ask for a lock of their hair…or better yet, ask their friend to obtain said hair for you. That way, you can enjoy their luscious locks any time you want, and they’ll never know that you have them!

5. Just show up at their house unannounced, call them on the phone while peering into their bedroom window, and whisper, “I’m here.”