Happy New Year, muffins! I wish we could’ve all been classy together and that we could’ve kissed at midnight! Instead, I hope you all had fun ringing out the old and ringing in the new! I gave Chloe two pretentious cheek kisses at midnight, and I’d say that sufficed this year. She is my ladylove, after all.
In my tradition, I shall now tell you what I have learned this year:
1. Relationships end. I don’t know how I didn’t know that before, but I think I had this thought that everything stays the same throughout life. But no. This year I ended a lot of relationships, including a romantic one, that I thought would last forever. But I’ve changed, and so have others, and I’ve seen/experienced things that have changed my life forever. Also, people are jerks and aren’t always who you think they are. So that’s a happy thought.
2. I am strong. I have risen from the blackest moments of life and continued on, somehow remaining optimistic about what the future holds. I have felt the deepest despair one can feel and have risen from the ashes like a phoenix (to put it dramatically) (also, reading that back, I can’t stop laughing…imagining my head on a bird’s body…) and HEY HERE I AM! writing detailed instructions on how to lurk in corners….So I guess I’ve healed more than I thought.
3. On a lighter note, do not, ever, under any circumstances, try to make whipped cream in a blender. You’ll get curds and whey, and Little Miss Muffet may be very pleased, but you definitely won’t.
4. Don’t make eye contact with people on public transportation. They will either try to fight you, try to start a weird romantic relationship with you, or ask you if you have cats. Answer: Let’s fight, date, and have cats together.
5. I talk in my sleep. I say very angry, belligerent things in my sleep. I am terrifying in my sleep. I giggle creepily in my sleep. …Sorry.
6. Journalism is stressful, makes me want to pull my head off, and psychology is a better major for me. So cheers to me not having a heart attack at age 30.
7. I’m a classy lady! Last night, I saw Silver Lining’s Playbook (so good), ate salmon (also good), and went to the symphony (so. good.) before heading to a lovely little party where we played board games and snuggled on couches. There were party poppers involved. Classy.
8. I’m hilarious. Quotes from last night that don’t make sense but that will (maybe?) make you giggle:
“Let’s get schmammered at the symphony!” (We didn’t, because that would be stupid and also I am not a loser.)
(Someone else singing): “Mares eat oats and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy.” (Me): “What’s lamsy divey? That’s fun.”
Last, but not least: “You go Jean Valjean! Four for you Jean Valjean!”
I’ll end on that note and wish you all the best in 2013. Hope you’re all healthy and happy and have nice haircuts.
I love you. PS I ate bacon this morning. Classy.