We’ve all had one. You’re not sure where you stand; does he really like your butt, or is this a booty call? Or does he want to hardcore define the relationship?
1. Ignore him. He texts you? Ignore. He calls you? Ignore. You see him in person? Turn around. (Or use my preferred method and hide behind a tree…make sure it’s a stationary object and not a car, cuz once that car drives away you’re screwed.)
2. Beginners can start out with the Minimal Effort Response. He elaborates in detail about how his day was and how it made him feel? You say, “Nice.”
Basically, respond with “cool,” “nice,” “sweet,” “okay,” and other similar vocabulary. If possible, shorten the words (okay = k).
3. Bro out. Overuse the hang-loose hand gesture. Call him buddy and slap him on the back a lot. Offer to spot him while he’s benching.
4. Conversely, casually mention how attractive you find his friend…over…and over…and over.
Set him up with someone else. “Hey, wanna go on a date? …With my friend?” Tell him he’s perfect…for your sorority sister.
Warning: This may result in him saying, “Yeah, your friend’s pretty, but you’re beautiful” or other similar responses. If this happens…
5. Turn the cling on. Emoticon usage must increase by at least 95%. Winky faces are preferred.
When he asks how your day was, say, “Good, but it would’ve been better if you’d been by my side.” This is also an appropriate response when he asks how your classes were, how your dinner was, how the gym was, and especially how you slept.
Keep him up to date with your emotions. Don’t just tell him how dinner was, tell him how it made you feel. Tell him exactly how long you cried when you failed that test.
Keep him up to date with your menstrual cycle. Tell him you are bleeding, and word it exactly like that. Use medical terminology like “menstruating” and “uterus” liberally.
Ask him if you can keep a drawer at his house. Leave your toothbrush in his bathroom even when you’ve never spent the night.
Tell him you want a baby, and you hope it has his eyes.
6. Actually man up and tell him that you don’t like him. But really, who’s gonna do that?
Props to my gal pal Courtney for helping me out with this! Check her out here.