The world needs to be clearly labeled so I don’t make a fool of myself. For example, I’d appreciate if, when I was lost as a driver, I could pop up a sign that says, “I’m not from around here, so I will be driving weirdly for the next few blocks. Please don’t road rage at me.”
More importantly, though (let’s be real, it doesn’t matter if I get critically injured in a road rage incident, because I don’t even have a boyfriend), I would love if men could wear signs that say, “I am single” / “I am SO NOT SINGLE” / “I am single but I find you repulsive.” So much less confusion would ensue. I don’t do subtlety
well at all, so I kinda need to be conked over the head with romance (which, in itself is supposed to be subtle…basically, I don’t do well with romance).
Also, I could then let people know that I am not asexual, I’m just constantly uncomfortable and kinda weird. It’d go something like this:
“Hello, I am a single lady, please take my hand and try to woo me. But please, do not send me pictures of your genitals or your biceps, because I do not want them and you need to keep that to yourself. Take me out for a nice dinner and tell me I’m funny. Laugh at my jokes. Laugh at more of my jokes. Laugh when I do something awkward/stupid. Kiss me goodnight. Don’t rest your tongue in my mouth. Thank you.”
And I’d be looking for a nice, tall boy who had a nice sense of style (seriously, boys, learn how to dress yourselves) whose sign said:
“I am a single fella. Sometimes I say fella as a joke because I’m super hilarious. I like thinking about things, and I don’t say “that’s gay” or “that’s retarded” because I’m sensitive…but not so sensitive that I’ll cry when I’m stressed or if you accidentally offend me. I’ll laugh at your jokes, even the ones that make no sense, because I’ll understand them. I don’t have a habit of doing weird things with my tongue when I kiss girls goodnight.”
And that is how the world would go ’round. Wouldn’t life be easier?