When I say that, I don’t mean I’ve been operated on by mutant robots (my appointment isn’t until Friday, and they say I should make a full recovery, but I’ll definitely have a bionic arm. Hopefully it doesn’t turn against me). I do mean that the interwebs and iPhones and whatnot make me do and say and care about weird things that I never would’ve done/said/cared about before.
Example: The other day, I looked up a YouTube video I’d previously commented on (it was a Mock the Week episode and Dara had made a weird face. I commented on said face and got the most upvotes…top comment! Jeah!) and got waayyyyy too excited about getting top comment. Then, someone had commented sassily in reply to my comment, and I wanted to be super rude to them and tell them to shut up.
And then I realized I was being insane. Getting top comment on a YouTube video means literally nothing in the scheme of my life. Being sassed by some random girl via the internet also means nothing to me. Being a jerk back makes me an asshole (so good thing I wasn’t!).
Basically, the internet barely matters. It matters to me in terms of this blog, because it’s an outlet for me to vent/be awesome/get my name and writing out there. But 99% of the internet is completely useless to me. Same goes for technology in general, unless I need heart surgery or a bionic arm or I really need to stalk someone.
Guess what my phone does now? Calls and texts. Which is more than a phone was invented for in the first place anyway. Texting is technically superfluous, but it is the most superfluous thing I need in my life right now. Do I need Netflix on my phone? No. That was cool, but no. Do I need my bank statement on my phone? No. Also super cool and helpful, but a pen and paper will do the trick when I need to keep track of my finances. Do I need to play games on my phone? Definitely not…that’s not even really that cool anyway. There are pros and cons of smartphones, so I will now list them for you because I am good at listing. Also, it shows the world that I can indeed count.
6. Pro: You can access just about everything from your phone in an instant. This is super awesome when you need directions to Mindy’s house and Mindy lives in the middle of freaking nowhere and you’re lost because you took a left at Bessie the Cow instead of taking a right. Also awesome when you want to show someone a real-time video of you at the Great Wall of China, or when you need to check to see if the guy you just met is a serial killer (is there an app for that?).
4. Con: You can access just about everything from your phone in an instant. Why would I need sports scores delivered to my phone immediately, dinging 30 times to tell me that my favorite team lost? Unless I have a serious sports-gambling addiction, which I should get help for, I don’t need to know these things. Also, the fact that there’s an app to add a laugh track to my life is seriously disturbing.
5. Pro: You can check your email! Yay, now you can get work done while you’re on the toilet!
11. Con: see above…because really, nobody needs to do that.
3. Pro: People can always contact you! This is great for emergencies.
55. Con: People can always contact you. This is terrible for everything except emergencies.
I think you kinda get the pattern, here, right? Basically, smartphones are awesome, and they can make life way easier, but they also make everything a little more complicated. Also, I would like to look up from my phone and actually see the world once in a while. Some people are great at putting away their phone and enjoying life, but I wasn’t, so I MADE myself exercise self control.
Anyway, this may only last for the summer, but it’s a fun experiment, and I feel more awesome already! Thoughts?