I’m Not FOR Men

I’d like to clear a few things up.

As a bisexual woman, I encounter a lot of nonsense on a daily basis. I hear these bizarre — and offensive — comments on a pretty regular basis, mostly from men but sometimes from women. But let’s be real…I mostly hear this shit from men.

“Oh, you like chicks AND dudes? That’s hot.”

No. I am not for you. When you hear that I’m not exclusively interested in men, you still think that my sexuality is something for you to enjoy? You hear that I like kissing girls and you think I’m doing that for you? You poor, poor moron. This is all for me.

“Oh, so you must sleep around a lot.”
I have the same sex drive as anyone else. I just am driven toward both men and women. But thank you for basically calling me a slut?

“Oh, so you just can’t decide whether you’re straight or gay.”
Yes. Obviously I am experimenting. Testing out both ponds in order to decide which one I’d like to swim in forever.
NO! Sexuality is a spectrum. A continuum. A lot of people are sexually attracted to both men and women. I’m not indecisive, this isn’t a phase, I’m not experimenting because it’s college and I like to drunk-kiss girls. This is a thing I have always felt, and it is who I am.

This shit gets really annoying. So I keep it to myself, mostly. I don’t feel the need to be explicit or particularly public about my sexuality, but I also don’t want to feel like I have to hide it in order to feel comfortable. It’s frustrating that people find it acceptable to not only have these ideas and thoughts, but to express them to my face, often while attempting to hit on me.

So be a good, sensitive, intelligent human. Educate yourself. Use good manners. And please, for the love of god, stop asking me if I’ll have a threesome with you and some random girl.

19 thoughts on “I’m Not FOR Men

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  1. Brave post. We American men…I just don’t know where our insensitivity comes from sometimes. But I assure you, we aren’t all dogs walking on two paws…

  2. hugs…it’s easy to hear the haters but some of us are cool…my best friend is bi…though mostly lesbian…as with “normal sexuality” I still have to be accepted before there’s any interst…men are weird…gay women turn them on but gay guys is replusive…I don’t see any difference…everybody has boundries and as a member of society it is my responsibility to respect those boundries

    1. Hugs to you too — hang in there! Its bizarre…lesbians are treated as sex objects and gay men are treated like untouchable women….sometimes, not always! But we still have a long way to go! Hopefully we can make positive changes together.

  3. That caps our mouths.. Absolutely rocking read. Just made me smile.
    And one more that is annoying, “it must be a trend or something” Yes we men can be so clueless and insensitive.

    Again Loved the read, made me smile.
    Do keep on smiling. That I am sure suits you best.

  4. * claps * This was well said and very brave. These are words that everyone needs to hear because even without saying such foolish things, a lot of times, people are thinking them.

    1. Yeah, there’s such a weird misperception that being bi is all about promiscuity or group sex…which I’m sure some bi people are into, but obviously that stereotype is pretty incorrect. Glad I’m not the only one! Ha

      1. I’ve been with my husband for 22 years now. I’ve never slept around on him. But, to be honest, I wish I could experience being with a woman, but it’s not possible. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m still bi.

        1. Exactly! That makes a lot of sense. Its good for people to know that someone who is bi could never have had an experience with their same sex but can still know that its their sexual orientation…people never understand that.

  5. This is brilliant. As a bi-sexual woman myself, I suffer these exact same circumstances on a regular basis. Even with the same people! I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had to repeat to family and acquaintances that no, I’m not experimenting, and no, I haven’t “picked a side yet”. It’s not about picking sides as you so rightly noted. I wish more people could make peace with this fact and leave be.

    1. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one :) it’s unfortunate and really frustrating. Hopefully education around bisexuality will get better and people will understand we aren’t just “figuring ourselves out” haha. We can be the catalysts for that education, too! But my god I wish everyone understood this stuff automatically hahaha :P

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