Today Means Everything

I’ve been ridiculously emotional all day, and keep randomly crying at every rainbow-colored thing I see (including the banner at the top of WordPress while I write this post. Yes, I’m currently misty-eyed). The timeline of my day was as follows:

1. Woke up at 8 automatically, checked phone reflexively (I am a child of the 90s and have technology coded into my DNA, unfortunately), saw NPR alert that marriage had been legalized for everyone in this country. Smiled sleepily and went back to sleep.

2. Woke up again at 9, realized that holy shit gay marriage is legal in this entire country.

3. Played NPR piece on the Supreme Court decision, smiled way too hard.

4. Scrolled through Twitter and retweeted essentially everything regarding marriage equality. Got excited when I realized that #lovewins was automatically followed by a little rainbow heart emoji. I love that little rainbow heart emoji.

5. Received videos from friends of gay couples getting married (finally) and cried really hard on my couch over my bowl of cereal.

6. Read Justice Kennedy’s closing paragraph. Cried. A lot, particularly at this: “Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions.” Right in the feels, Justice Kennedy.

7. Saw a picture of an old gay couple. Cried.

8. Cried when I finally realized that I can marry whoever I fall in love with and want to marry. Sometimes I feel like I forget that I’m bi, because for my entire life I’ve been supporting gay rights for other people but not recognizing that I deserve those rights myself.

9. Read some Republican candidates’ responses to the decision, got really angry and cried a little, then read Hillary’s response and cried again because thank you Hillary.

10. Realized that this is a major step in my self-acceptance, and cried a little bit more, particularly when I saw a picture of the White House lit up in rainbow colors.

I had a lot of emotions today. Well, mostly one: happiness. And that happiness mostly manifested itself in tears all over my face. But still…it’s been a big, gay rollercoaster ride. <3

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