They Don’t Have Cancer

Long story short: I’ve felt like shit over the past few days. My entire mouth hurt until today (who knew that was a thing) and everything I ate tasted really tart, including water. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, and I’ve thrown up a couple times. Walks around the block are a goddamn challenge.

I’m really scared, because this is just the beginning. My body has always been sensitive, and I’m sure chemo will be no exception. I anticipate this being hell. If it ends up being easier than planned, then great, but I’m expecting the worst and hoping for slightly better at this point.

And I just can’t help looking out my window and thinking about all the people out there who don’t have cancer. But I do, and I don’t want it. Can I give it back, now? I tried it out and I just don’t think it’s for me…

So there ya have it. A very short post about feeling shitty, being scared, and feeling betrayed by my body. I don’t have anything positive to end this post with today. I think that might be the trend for a while. I watched a video of a kitten getting tucked into bed earlier, though. That was pretty cool.

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