Effective Techniques for Dumping an Un-Boyfriend

We've all had one. You're not sure where you stand; does he really like your butt, or is this a booty call? Or does he want to hardcore define the relationship? 1. Ignore him. He texts you? Ignore. He calls you? Ignore. You see him in person? Turn around. (Or use my preferred method and... Continue Reading →

How To: Name Your Baby

So, I know my name is Cappy, and that might confuse some people. It might make other people angry that I'm writing a post about naming children when it seems that my parents named me under a haze of marijuana smoke and black lights. (Surprisingly enough, they didn't. To get the full story behind my... Continue Reading →

How to Be a Creep

Ahh, my specialty. 1. Walk quietly up behind them and begin singing a song really softly and slowly in their ear. It's best if it's a song from a children's movie or something. Just imagine hearing "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down..." floating eerily into your ear. 2. Lurk. Anywhere, really. Lurk... Continue Reading →

How to Make Friends

Step One: See them around town. You like what you see. They seem nice, always chatting with passersby or wearing something fun. Give them a little nod as you pass to show that you want to be best friends. Follow them to their favorite lunch spot. Memorize their order so that one day you can... Continue Reading →

How to Treat the Fellaz

1. Offer to do things for him. I think he'd especially appreciate if you re-laced his shoes all cool so the laces aren't crisscrossed but instead go straight across. That's a real winner right there. Expect a ring tomorrow. 2. Be real. I always hate it when people say that: "I'm just bein' real with... Continue Reading →

How to Dress for Halloween

In light of the many parties you will undoubtedly attend (you cheeky minxes), I shall now bestow upon you my supreme knowledge of costumes. I'll start with what NOT to wear. Because I'm better at being negative. Ladeeez: Please refrain from any type of "slutty [insert noun here]." If you're going to go out dressed like a... Continue Reading →

How to Dance

In honor of the many upcoming homecoming dances at various colleges and high schools around the world/country/universe, I have compiled a list of fool-proof methods to help you get your dance on. I'm not exactly sure that I have the authority to write this since nowadays, with all the fist pumping and booty bumping and krumping (ohhh you kids... Continue Reading →

How to Be a Musician

Rockstar: 1. Live by one rule and one rule alone: Guitar should not sound melodic. There shouldn't be any real chords like in Beatles or Stones songs, just really scary and loud guitar riffs. And solos shouldn't have anything to do with the tune of the song but should instead show off your ability to... Continue Reading →

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