How to Treat the Fellaz

1. Offer to do things for him. I think he'd especially appreciate if you re-laced his shoes all cool so the laces aren't crisscrossed but instead go straight across. That's a real winner right there. Expect a ring tomorrow. 2. Be real. I always hate it when people say that: "I'm just bein' real with... Continue Reading →

How to Treat the Ladiez

1. Offer a lady your jacket. Really. If she says she's cold, it's your responsibility to chivalrously warm her up. And I don't mean by rubbing your body all over hers. I mean you should say, "Wow, Lady, you're cold? I shall save you from frostbite by giving my jacket up for you." She might... Continue Reading →

I Miss You, What Are You Wearing?

When you think you're playing it cool but you're really just being a stalker. We've all done it. I (in all my magnificence and glory) have done it. You've done it. He, she, it does it. I bet James Bond did it once. You know what I mean: you like someone who you barely know, but... Continue Reading →

How to Get Dressed for a Date

Step 1: Make a rough sketch of your dream outfit Step 2: Throw it away, because we all know you'll never find/be able to afford it. Step 3: Write a list of colors that look good on you. Step 4: Attempt to find clothes of those colors in your wardrobe and realize you don't have any.  Step... Continue Reading →


Right, I am not so diluted that I think I can actually obtain a man this perfectly WONDERFUL, but one can dream. If anyone out there is this person, knows this person, is the father/sibling/cousin/great auntie of this person...let me know. George (that will be his name) should: Be Tall - I would rather not feel... Continue Reading →

Things I Like to Look At

I can guarantee this isn't going to be earnest at all.  Get ready to not hear about sunsets, lovers, or cute puppies. Let's begin the list. Enrique Iglesias - Spanish. Need I say more? I don't need to, but I will anyway. Because he's nice to look at, nice to listen to, and nice to... Continue Reading →

How to Make Any Twit Fall in Love With You (Part 4)

Step 10: Have extremely flat chested friends. In order to avoid the traumatizing "Your friend is hot, can I have her number?" scenario, make sure none of your friends actually are hot. They are allowed to be mildly attractive, but not as attractive as you, and definitely not sizzlin. Most twits define "hot" as "having huge chesty bits,"... Continue Reading →

How to Make Any Twit Fall in Love With You (Part 3)

Step 7: Be subtle. Say slightly flirtatious things like, "Hey boy. Let's get it on," and "Take me now!" Twits love it when they can't tell if you're interested or not; it makes the night more exciting. Don't forget that twits are basically just big, stupid, bald cheetahs: they like a chase. Step 8: Go naked. Why hide what you... Continue Reading →

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