A Few Guarantees For My Wedding


I'm getting married, y'all! Psych. I should probably actually talk to boys first. Well, actually, I should talk to men...but I'm easing my way up...I'm still shy around 10 year olds. Anyway, if I were to get married, here are a few things I can guarantee about the wedding. 1. There will be no tulle involved. None.... Continue Reading →

This Is The End (Of Comedy)


Chloe (aka my Supreme Muffin) and I saw This is the End a few days ago and were almost physically sick because...well, here are a few reasons: 1. Penis and ejaculation jokes. The amount of times I had to hear Danny McBride (who the hell are you, anyway?) scream about ejaculating all over James Franco's house got... Continue Reading →

One of Your Closest Pets May Be Gay


My dad and I just spent a good 30 minutes laughing at horoscopes. We have come to the conclusion that (shocker) they are total crap. AIRES: If you hesitate, you may be put in the driver's seat. Impressively confusing and nonsensical. Also, why is driving a car the punishment for hesitation? Surely if your reflexes aren't... Continue Reading →

I Did Not Come Here For Staring


Ah yes, another post about the gym. I hate the gym (still) even though I'm steadily losing weight and feeling less blimp-ish when I wear my gym shorts and trot along on a treadmill. I really, really, really hate the gym. It is too inside. There are too many walls. Of course, walls are necessary... Continue Reading →

Wave Your Tampon in the Air If You’re With Me


Look. I just read this post over at Firework in Stilettos and it got me thinking. Thinking about obnoxious people protesting outside Planned Parenthood when they could be devoting their time to volunteering at Big Brothers Big Sisters or something, if they really want to save the youth of tomorrow. Thinking about how annoying it... Continue Reading →

Separate but Equal: A Gym Doctrine


First of all, I am super stoked that I hit 1,000 subscribers today, my little muffins! So thanks for reading and loving me (or hate-reading my blog, though I don't know if that's a thing...) and making my life that little bit better. Moving on... I  gained a million few pounds in the last two years.... Continue Reading →

Cappy Birthday!


Happy Birthday to meeee!!! I will accept gifts in the form of cash and muffins. Please send to Cappy, 1234 Wackadoo Lane, Nonsense Town, Muffin Land. Or not. In honor of this glorious day of my birth, I would like to share things that I still don't understand, even though I am now technically an... Continue Reading →

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