A Few Guarantees For My Wedding


I'm getting married, y'all! Psych. I should probably actually talk to boys first. Well, actually, I should talk to men...but I'm easing my way up...I'm still shy around 10 year olds. Anyway, if I were to get married, here are a few things I can guarantee about the wedding. 1. There will be no tulle involved. None.... Continue Reading →

I Got Married at a Party


Once, I was married for about three seconds. Well, okay, that's a lie, but it felt that way. I should start by saying that I don't really go to parties, because: 1. Drinking is illegal for me, as I'm only 19 and in the U.S. you have to be 21. Which I personally think is... Continue Reading →

A Cat Will Never Say:


1. "Let's just be friends." Obviously, cats can't speak, so they can't say anything. But if they could speak, they would never tell you they didn't love you. You scratch their ears, for heaven's sake! Of course they love you. 2. "Please stop calling me those annoying baby names." You can name your cat Muffin... Continue Reading →

Society Told Me Not To


Society: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Me: Shove it! Society has told me (yep, it speaks) that I shouldn't do these things in public: 1. Don't dance down the skywalk. People can see you. It is weird to drive down the street, look up for a moment, and see someone gettin' jiggy with it... Continue Reading →

Recap


Halloween: it's the most wonderful time of the year. Not to be confused with Christmas, which is the most SnoWonderful time of the year. I dressed as Ke$ha, which probably makes me a big hypocrite, because I ranted last week about why people shouldn't be tarts on Halloween. But I promise you this: I did not act... Continue Reading →

How to Dress for Halloween


In light of the many parties you will undoubtedly attend (you cheeky minxes), I shall now bestow upon you my supreme knowledge of costumes. I'll start with what NOT to wear. Because I'm better at being negative. Ladeeez: Please refrain from any type of "slutty [insert noun here]." If you're going to go out dressed like a... Continue Reading →

How to Dance


In honor of the many upcoming homecoming dances at various colleges and high schools around the world/country/universe, I have compiled a list of fool-proof methods to help you get your dance on. I'm not exactly sure that I have the authority to write this since nowadays, with all the fist pumping and booty bumping and krumping (ohhh you kids... Continue Reading →

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