My friend and I are obsessed with Courtney Stodden. And no, we don’t have crushes on her. But we’re absolutely fascinated. Absolutely. Fascinated.
For those of you unfamiliar with her beautiful rise to fame, Courtney Stodden married 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchison (of Green Mile and Lost fame) this spring at the ripe old age of 16. And now she’s flaunting her boobs about Hollywood like she grew them herself. As she put it, she and Doug found themselves “falling, flying on the wings of love.” This girl is the future poet laureate of this great nation of ours.
Ooooh this post is hard to write. I don’t want to be a jerk and there are soooo many things I have to hold myself back from saying. Please imagine me sitting at my computer, flexing and unflexing my hands while screaming “EEEEEEEEEE” over and over.
Anyway, she’s become a fascinating object for me and Chloe to ponder over. Who are you, Courtney? What is your story? What is your song? Why don’t you ever wear clothes?
I’ve always had a theory that we hate what we don’t understand. I don’t hate Courtney Stodden; there’s really no reason for me to hate her. She hasn’t spoiled the sanctity of marriage. I don’t worry that my children will grow up and want to be like her. I don’t hate her. I don’t truly hate anyone. But I quite honestly don’t think I’ll ever understand her. I don’t want to be that girl, but…I kind of pity her.
Does she really need to act the way she does? Who honestly tweets “Receiving a magical massage from my magnificent mister next to the midnight moon… Mmm ;)” The girl is obsessed with alliteration, and for that reason alone I fear for her sanity.
I guess it isn’t even what she wears, or that she’s oversexualized herself, or that her parents are insane for allowing her to get married and then act this way at such a young age (or ever). It’s that she is so completely absurd. “I decided to remain a virgin until marriage.” Oh, good for you, Courtney, cuz I know it was really hard for me to remain a virgin when I was only 16 years old.
And her husband is just as ridiculous. “I wish I could’ve been a virgin for her.” Oh for heaven’s sake. You’re 51 years old. You shouldn’t even be touching this girl, let alone wishing you were a virgin when you consummated your marriage. Just get over it and stop lying. I don’t respect liars. Not that I could ever necessarily respect these two anyway.
I hope they truly are in love. Honestly. That’s not a holier than thou statement or anything. I honestly hope they’re happy together, because they’re getting a lot of shit in the media for what they’re doing with their lives. Nobody deserves to be treated the way she has been, and I wish no harm on them. I just don’t get it. I really just don’t get it.
That said, they’re pretty great comedy value. We laugh at things we wish to differentiate ourselves from. So here, differentiate yourself from them. Quick.