Cirque du Sylvia


I've had my cat Sylvia for a little over a year, and she's just a dream. She's a short hair ginger tabby who gives zero fucks. My partner Deejay swings her around the living room and squishes her constantly, and she just sits there with a blank look on her face; I can't even tell... Continue Reading →

Diary Sessions: Part 1


When I was last visiting my parents in April, I brought all my old diaries back with me and realized...they're kinda amazing. I was in such torment over everything. Now, I don't want to invalidate the feelings I had as a kid, because I went to a small school full of awful little children being awful to each other... Continue Reading →

A Few Fuck-Yous…


...Brought to you by international air and train travel. 1. Fuck you for wearing your skunk perfume on a plane (also on the train...I'm looking at you, passengers of renfe who showered in old man cologne). I'm glad you're making an effort to smell good but we're all hurtling through the sky in a coke... Continue Reading →

Can We Discuss Disney Princesses Though


I was on the phone with my dad yesterday crying (surprise) over my lack of romantic luck recently. He gave me some really wonderful advice, the most hilarious of which came when he said, "The worst thing Disney ever did for society was write those stupid happy endings." Or something to that effect -- I tend... Continue Reading →

7 Signs You’re A Crazy (Awesome) Cat Lady


You frequently wake up to your cat head-butting your face for kisses and immediately oblige, no matter the hour. Your Instagram feed is entirely composed of photos of you and your cat. You spend an enormous amount of time showing people the above mentioned pictures and/or talking incessantly about your cat. You choose to stay home... Continue Reading →

Dove Lures Women


Is anyone else totally weirded out by that new Dove Real Beauty commercial where they make women shower in public? Here it is: http://ispot.tv/a/7rVc Basically, for those of you too lazy to click the link, this is the official court testimony of one of the women subjected to this sick stunt: We were asked by a... Continue Reading →

If You’re Ever Feeling Ugly


Maybe you look in the mirror and notice that your chin hair (mine's named Vern, so don't be ashamed of yours) is growing back with a vengeance. Maybe you have a huge zit right in between your eyebrows, and it's totally blocking your third eye. It's possible that your butt grew two sizes overnight (sort of like the... Continue Reading →

Folw Yur Drms


It's 11:30 p.m. I went to bed at 9:30 (after I graduated from college I turned into a grandmother and am perfectly okay with that). When I can't sleep, I think about weird stuff: 1. I was walking home at night one time when I ran into a few (very drunk) people sitting on a... Continue Reading →

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