Free to Be You and Me…Until You’re Uncomfortable?


I’ve noticed that people tend to be all aboard the gay rights train until their kid or friend or coworker comes out to them. For whatever reason, we can theoretically accept strangers for who they are but are unwilling to tell loved ones that they’re still important to us and that we love every bit of them, even the gay bits. I can guarantee there are several sociological studies on this phenomenon, and I’d be interested in seeing WHY we do this to each other.

It’s fucked up, y’all. Sorry, but I have to say it. Also, I’m definitely not sorry. Nope.

Denying people the right to come out to you is not-so-subtly implying that you disapprove of who they really are. It means you’re scared of the truth, that you’re unwilling to let them live a happy and full life, that you’re being willfully ignorant.

People also tend to be very accepting of gays until you tell them you’re bi. At that point, they tend to act like you simply like to slut it up with both genders, or they ask you if maybe you’re just going through a phase.

Yes…I’m going through a phase that has lasted my entire life. Look, I knew I was bi before I knew that being bi was a real thing. I knew I liked both women and men when I was five years old. If five-year-old Cappy knew, then 22-year-old Cappy knows, and 99-year-old Cappy will still definitely be on that bi train screaming “choo choo” at the top of her lungs. You know, to carry on with this weird train metaphor that I started at the beginning of this post.

I don’t have a whole lot of openly bi role models. Bi people tend to be pushed to the wayside because we’re not “fully straight” but often aren’t classified as gay either, so it puts us in this weird limbo where nobody wants to accept us as part of their group. The governor of Oregon is an openly bi woman, which means a lot to me. It’s nice to see bi people doing amazing things with their lives regardless of the fact that they’re majorly discriminated against by several large groups. I remember she got criticized about being openly bi, though, because people said that wasn’t an important factor in her identity so they didn’t feel she should be open about it.

While I understand that people say these things in an attempt to be accepting (“I’m so accepting that I don’t even want to know if you’re gay or straight”), they are actually being discriminatory. Nobody says that to straight people. If we can’t be out as gay or bi or trans or whatever we really are, then we likely cannot date openly or share this big part of ourselves with friends and family. It encourages people to stay closeted, feeling like they’re living a lie and experiencing huge mental stress. Saying there’s no reason for people to come out is like saying you don’t care about them, because you would extinguish a huge part of their identity. It’s selfish and wrong to expect sexual minorities to just shut up, put their head down, and go about life as if they were straight or cis het.

Basically, the rule of thumb should be this: are people letting the straight people do it? Marriage, dating openly, having sex, talking about their sexuality…we’re letting the straight people do it, so we should let gay and bi and pan and trans and all the people do it. And for goodness sake…when someone comes out to you, don’t push your insecurities onto them. Tell them you love them. Tell them they should be open and wild and free with their gayness. And if you’re feeling uncomfortable with all of it, talk to someone! There are like…500000000 online forums and information centers for you. We want you to be comfortable, too. Just not at our expense.

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NOT UNTIL THE PENGUINS CAN


imagesIn 2004, a male pair of chinstrap penguins hatched an egg they had been given to incubate at the Central Park Zoo. They adopted a baby, y’all! They helped that little penguito hatch like proper parents! Since then, at least 20 homosexual penguins have been recorded in Japan, and….well, basically, without giving you a list of all of them, there have been quite a few instances of homosexual penguins at zoos. And probably in the wild, but Wikipedia isn’t exactly that great of a resource.

But here’s a question that just begs to be asked: Have you seen any gay penguins get married? No. They’re all dressed up in their tuxes, practically begging for a classy wedding, and what do we do? We call them “life partners,” say they’re cute, but we don’t give them the rights they deserve. We don’t let them squawk their vows before an arctic fox priest says, “You may now peck the bride/groom/penguin.” We don’t let them have a reception and throw bouquets at other macaroni penguins, or cut the cake with their short little wing-flipper things.

Until Buddy and Pedro can tie the knot and waddle down the aisle together, I will remain unmarried. I won’t do it until the gay penguins can.

“But Cappy,” you ask, “is this just your excuse for dying sad and alone surrounded by 12 cats?” Yes, dear muffins, it is. It is mostly an excuse because I live in a house full of girls and don’t tend to meet the fellas too much. But it is also a fight for penguin marriage equality!

I urge you to follow in my footsteps. Do it for Mac and Roni, the macaroni penguins who just want to show the world their love. Do it for America. Do it for equality! DO IT FOR CUTE LITTLE TUXEDOED BIRDS EVERYWHERE!

Special thanks to my Clean Sister Alaina for being the first one to shout, “NOT UNTIL THE PENGUINS CAN!”

I’m So Proud


As one of my friends said, “I would say, ‘Unbelievable!’ but it’s more like, ‘Hey, welcome to the 21st century, what took you so long?’ I’m very proud to be a Washingtonian.”

I don’t know if you’ve gathered, but that was in reference to the fact that today, just in time for Valentines Day, Washington State has passed a gay marriage bill into law. The law won’t take effect for a few months, and will definitely face a lot more opposition, but I’m still proud. And excited.

I love listening to anti-gay marriage arguments. Not because I agree, obviously, but because they’re so stupid. Letting gays marry will do nothing to your own heterosexual marriage. They aren’t going to raid your home and steal your wife, they aren’t going to make you cheat on your husband, and they’re not going to rip up your marriage certificate. What is at stake? Nothing except the freedom you’ve been denying them for years. For God’s sake, get over it.

Just because you disagree with someone’s way of life, you do not have the right to tell them to change how they feel and who they are. This sentence comes with a disclaimer excluding murderers, rapists, etc. But gays are not in that category, no matter what you say. So get over yourself, because this isn’t about you. It’s about a huge group of other people who are pleading to be treated as humans. We’ve already gone through so much as a nation, discriminating against so many races and religions, so why can’t we just give it up and love each other and let these people get married?

There’s a lot of terrible stuff going on in this world; people are getting murdered, raped, beaten, starved to death every day. Amidst all these atrocities, we’re worried about two people in love getting married? We’re worried about it because they happen to be of the same sex? This issue deals with whether or not people can share their love for the rest of their lives like heterosexual people have been able to for centuries. And we’re finally coming to our senses and letting them.

So of course I’m excited and proud and wiggling for joy today. Because my state has made another huge step toward marriage equality. And finally my friends and family members will soon be able to get married to whomever they choose. I’m sad that this had to be voted on, because this shouldn’t even be an issue, but since it is, we’ve done a good thing today.

So to everyone out there, all around the world, let’s keep moving. Let’s make this universal. Let’s let love prevail.