Mingbin, Gaga and Me


I do not want to get on this plane.  I want to stay in this state of airport gate-waiting for eternity. I'm not afraid to fly. I don't particularly like it, and usually I feel a little ill when I fly, but it's only an hour flight and I have good music and a book about... Continue Reading →


Dear Friends, Well, 2013 sure did fly by -- like me, on my private jet, flying off to Morocco. I have, once again, had an amazing year that was probably much more exciting than yours. As you probably read in the tabloids, my new lover Mickey and I were swept up in a whirlwind romance... Continue Reading →

I Have Learned More


Happy New Year, muffins! I wish we could've all been classy together and that we could've kissed at midnight! Instead, I hope you all had fun ringing out the old and ringing in the new! I gave Chloe two pretentious cheek kisses at midnight, and I'd say that sufficed this year. She is my ladylove,... Continue Reading →

Happy Holidays! I’m Better Than You


Dear Friends, It's that season once more! The season of giving (to me) and snowmen and hot cocoa, which means its time to read my annual Holiday Letter of Self-Obsession. As you all know, my Pulitzer Prize winning novel "This is Why I'm Hot" came out last year to rave reviews, so I'm pretty loaded... Continue Reading →

Yes, Mary Did Know.


Mary, did you know that your baby boy would one day walk on water? Mary, did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters? Well, yes...an angel woke me up in the middle of my beauty sleep to let me know. I don't think I would forget something so significant. Did... Continue Reading →

Where is my Vuvuzela?!


Sometimes I think I could really use a vuvuzela. It could come in handy in so many situations! Like these: 1. In class when the professor can't see you raising your hand. VUVUZELA! I have a question! 2. At Thanksgiving when you're running around trying to get the turkey and potatoes and stuffing ready and... Continue Reading →

Saint Cappy’s Day


Hi y'all! It's officially Saint Cappy's Day, as mentioned previously in this post. Since Saint Cappy's day is all about celebrating yourself, I thought I'd give y'all a few reasons to love being single: 1. Some people have arranged marriages. At least you don't have to deal with Derk and his 12 goats buying you... Continue Reading →

Chocolate Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?


There's something rotten here, and I think I know what it is. Flowers. And chocolate. True, the flowers are pretty fresh and I don't actually know if chocolate can rot, but it's the symbolism that counts here, people. Don't let yourselves be blinded by Valentine's Day and love and all the sugar you've no doubt... Continue Reading →

But…Baby!


It's cold outside? Is that really the best argument you can think of? I really can't stay But baby, it's cold outside. I've got to go away But baby, it's cold outside... That is the lamest argument I've ever heard. If it's cold outside, walk her home and cuddle her on the way. Or drive... Continue Reading →

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: