What’s a Heezy, Anyway?

I have been awarded the Versatile Blogger Award by the very attractive (I assume) blogger over at Merry Musings and now am absolutely required by law to post random facts about myself etc etc. But hey, I've never been one to talk about myself (I know, I can practically hear you scoffing through the internet right now),... Continue Reading →

How Health Class Changed My Life

1. I learned that you can become water intoxicated. That's right children, you should drink more beer and less water....okay, that's a lie. But really, if you drink too much water your body can't handle it and you EXPLODE! Or something a little less violent. 2. Men find testicular lumps in exactly this way: Zoom in on... Continue Reading →

Dear World,

Dear World, If you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to fix a few things. First, make old people stop asking me what I'm planning on doing with my life. Even though I know (I think) that I'll write forever...unless I become a rocket scientist...it's difficult to explain that yes, I plan on writing a novel and... Continue Reading →

Rocket Science

I've had to take a few yoga breaths and channel my inner buddha in order to do this, but I'm ready now.. Lots of my friends read this blog. In fact, I'm pretty sure about 50% of all my readers are people I know personally (and one of them is my father...hi Dad), so this post is... Continue Reading →

How It Went Down

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Amazon, and his big brother was always watching him... In 2009, Amazon remotely removed 1984 (along with Orwell's Animal Farm) from customers' Kindles. The books were removed after Amazon realized that they did not have the rights to digitally publish the books on Kindles, and... Continue Reading →

To Scan or Not to Scan?

That seems to be the question nowadays. Recently, I've heard just about enough people yelling about airport body scanners to make me want to crush them with one. I mean, really.  Dear Airport Security, I give you full permission to scan my body at the airport. It's not like anyone else ever sees me naked, so we might as well test... Continue Reading →

I Miss You, What Are You Wearing?

When you think you're playing it cool but you're really just being a stalker. We've all done it. I (in all my magnificence and glory) have done it. You've done it. He, she, it does it. I bet James Bond did it once. You know what I mean: you like someone who you barely know, but... Continue Reading →

Movie Stars and Have You Ever?

I want to live in an old movie. I've watched black and white movies for as long as I can remember. My childhood consisted of regular kids programs like Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street, but it was filled mainly by movies from the 30s and 40s (like Arsenic and Old Lace, The Thin Man, The... Continue Reading →

Society Told Me Not To

Society: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Me: Shove it! Society has told me (yep, it speaks) that I shouldn't do these things in public: 1. Don't dance down the skywalk. People can see you. It is weird to drive down the street, look up for a moment, and see someone gettin' jiggy with it... Continue Reading →

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